Topgolf has now opened its first location in Fort Worth.

Loyal Scaiaholics know how enthusiastic I get for trips to Topgolf, so I attended a party before the new location opened with local dignitaries, like, I assume, Chi Chi Rodriguez.

Topgolf had set aside a space for members of the media to shoot a few rounds, so I did what I normally do during trips to a driving range: sit at a table talking about Ohio while other people play golf. One of the ladies who was training employees had come down from the Topgolf in West Chester, near Cincinnati.

The Topgolf executives may have become tired of speaking with me. I kept asking if they had to take special action with the design because it was so close to the Trinity River flood plain or if they anticipated a slow start to business because of the construction on 35W nearby (“He’s not even asking about Chi Chi Rodriguez!”).

So the employee from West Chester took me to the food area to get some dinner.

A lot of this food had to be explained.

For instance, she encouraged me to stock up on jicama.

“What, what?” I inquired. A reporter asks.

She explained jicama tastes like apple mixed with potato, describing the dish in a way that I suspect was meant to sound appetizing. I mean, I like apples. I like potatoes, but are those two great tastes that taste great together?!

We made our way down the buffet, stopping at the Cowboy Ceviche.

“What, what?” I asked again, having no idea what ceviche is. “Do you guys have some que-noe-ah? I had que-noe-ah recently.”

I looked it up quickly on my phone, telling her I needed to send a work-related text. Now, I wasn’t entirely sure what makes it “Cowboy Ceviche.”

“Wait!” I thought to myself. “That actually seems like a reasonable question!”

I do not recall the exact ingredients, but the Cowboy Ceviche had some beans in there and a bit of a kick. Having said that, the Cowboy Ceviche was a unique take on a popular dish, much like the Mushi.

Mushi is a dish that’s original to Topgolf. ​I did not know how to pronounce the item, so I asked, “What is that, ‘Mush-ee’? Moo-shee’?”

She explained that it’s Moo-shee, giving me another dish I would have to spell phonetically. It’s short for “Mexican sushi.” The dish, and this is important, doesn’t actually involve raw fish. It’s got chicken, which has been cooked (I asked), and it’s served with rice, cheese, herbs, wrapped in a tortilla instead of whatever they wrap sushi in (mermaid fins, I assume).

I found the Mushi surprisingly palatable. When you hear something like “Mexican sushi,” I can imagine President Trump grabbing his chest and stumbling around for a bit, terrified that everyone’s coming to get us. Bear in mind, I don’t not mean that as a political commentary, just as a guy who liked Sanford and Son.

Personally, I imagined Mexican Sushi would involve raw fish. I am not a fan of raw fish. The only fish I enjoy are deep fried to a golden brown, so you don’t taste the fish. Maybe instead of “Mushi,” TopGolf could rename it “Micken.”