Today, every single one of your facebook friends is posting a horrifying account of how the world is about to stop spinning because Donald Trump has been inaugurated or how the world is spinning faster and more luxuriously than ever before because Donald Trump has been inaugurated.

Let’s do something a bit lighter.

But not that much lighter. Celebrity goat milking is serious business. I will admit Stoker has a much more convincing game face than I do.

The Ft. Worth Stock Show and Rodeo is underway and, like most major events, I was asked to bring my star power to spur interest. Don’t ask which other major events do the same thing. It doesn’t matter.

Loyal Scaiaholics will recall last year’s blog in which I declared that we’d had a down year, but, like the New York Yankees, we’d reclaim the championship.

We started training immediately, but people did try to stand in our way. We were told to stop bring goats into the newsroom to practice our milking.

When we arrived, we started talking about strategy. I explained that I’m getting flexibility back in my leg, but, and this is completely true, I had practiced kneeling at home.

You know, so I’d be able to make this about the goat. Make the goat comfortable.

When we arrived, we noticed that the arena was more full than last year.

We also had more teams competing. The Stock Show responded by setting up a celebrity bracket situation.

We knew this meant we’d have be more selective about our goat.

They also, and this was an excellent move, clamped down on people racing back to the finish line with a partially filled cup.

Last year, one of the country stations knocked us out, but Matt and I were quite confident they hadn’t filled their cup all the way to the top. The Ft. Worth Stock Show is very clear when they lay out the rules that celebrities must come back with a full cup of goat milk. I believe that’s also laid out in 2 Corinthians.

In the first round, we scored an excellent goat, just an excellent goat, and cruised to victory.

In the semis, we debated whether we should try to get the same goat or go with a different one in case our goat was milked out. However, NBC DFW was also, apparently, debating the same thing. When we got to the starting line, we both tried to line up to milk the same goat.

Matt explained that it’s easier to milk a larger goat. I found it just as easy to supervise the situation and comfort the goat regardless of size, so I had no preference. I had told Matt I would really focus on whispering sweet nothings to the goat so it doesn’t get nervous and withhold the milk.

“Listen, you’re a great goat,” I’d say. “You’re, like, the milkiest goat I’ve ever seen.”

I’d like to thank Mike Micallef, from our rival, Star-Telegram/restaurateur team, for chronicling our progress.

In the semis, I noticed NBC DFW was wrapping up and heading back to the finish line. I notified Matt and we agreed that we should rush back as well. Maybe they hadn’t filled their entire cup!

2 Corinthians had also laid out that in case of a tie, whoever had the fuller cup would advance.

NBC DFW had filled their cup, so we conceded.

Channel 5 would lose in the finals, though, to a station whose competitors had entered for the first time.

I dare say beginner’s luck is at work here. Matt and I won the blue ribbon our rookie year.

Stoker and I are thinking about retiring. We had hoped to go out on top, but we did advance deep into the tournament this year, so we talked about this being our swan song. It’s not final. I mean, the swans and goats could start fighting each other on the celestial plane.

Plus, we mentioned that to Hawkeye from one of the other country stations and he said he had stopped celebrity goat milking years ago but was brought back into it. More importantly, he said he had won four blue ribbons, not just one, so there’s still a dynasty to be built.

Also, now that I’ve read last year’s blog again, we’re only up to the 1926 Yankees. We’ve still got another year to become the 1927 Yankees.

In conclusion, whether you’re celebrating or mourning today’s inauguration, the Ft. Worth Stock Show and Rodeo is open for business. I’d like to see Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton milk a goat!

I bet George Washington and Thomas Jefferson knew their way around a goat. We all learned in civics class that the original draft of the Constitution included the line “We the people and also the goats…”