Loyal Scaiaholics will recall that I launched a campaign to feel ways about things. This week, I learned I’m not the only crusader trying to mix feelings into the rotation.

Turns out, your body runs on feelings, too.

I’ve had some free time this week. My doctor retired at the end of the year, and he told me to find a new doctor so he could send over my files.

I may have never mentioned this, but I was in a minor car crash a few years ago, so the new doctor was asking how my leg was doing. I explained that the hip surgeon urged me to use a recumbent bicycle to try to get more “range of motion” and de-limpify [his exact words] myself.

The new doctor said I looked good and urged me to try a regular bicycle in the gym of the building to see if that would work. I was blissed out to ride it for several seconds before I got tired. Then I sprained my ankle trying to get off.

According to that article, your endocrine system, which is apparently a type of system dealing with endocrines, works with your immune and nervous systems to make sure your ankle doesn’t go gunny sack when you do something stupid. So all of these endocrines were rushing to my ankle, causing me to not feel like leaving the house for a couple days. Luckily, I kept the Housecane I bought after the crash because I was now featuring a limp on both legs.

While stuck at the house, I’ve been researching what else feels ways about things. Turns out, the universe is conscious, which explains why the Hubble Telescope keeps recording the sound of gentle weeping.

The theory states that self-awareness may span from galaxies down to simple systems, even things that aren’t organic, causing me to wish I hadn’t stayed in the house so much this week.

“What’s that Kool-Aid pitcher plannin’?” I find myself wondering. “It’s just sittin’ there on the counter, smirkin’ at me.”

Meanwhile, you’ve got galaxies looking around, swiping stars from other galaxies. Then they rumble.

But even then, we’re disrespecting the galaxies’ feelings. One of the scientists in that article says the sun might feel ways about things, but the sun is a less complex organism than E. Coli, so the sun’s feelings, and this really is in that article, don’t matter as much as E. Coli.

Listen, The Sun, every woman I’ve ever dated has told me I’m too dismissive of her feelings, too, so this is probably a systemic issue. You and the guy who led this study will just need to talk it out.

In fact, you know what might help you feel ways about things, The Sun? Poetry. One of those scientists writes, “The laws of physics produce complex systems, and these complex systems lead to consciousness, which then produces mathematics, which can then encode in a succinct and inspiring way the very underlying laws of physics that gave rise to it.”

In haiku form, that would be:

Even galaxies
Have to work through their feelings
Physics ain’t inspir’n’

In conclusion, I think Science will soon prove this is all an elaborate game of Sim City.