While I was visiting the fam for Christmas, Ohio State skipped town and went to Arlington to take my place in Texas.

“No one could replace you, Scaia, you ruggedly handsome so-and-so!” you’re screaming at your computer.

Sports Illustrated agrees, pointing out Ohio State made history at the Cotton Bowl and not in a good way.

#ScaiaFam was never big into college football. Often, people would learn I’m from Ohio and say I must have strong feelings about Ohio State/Michigan game every fall.

“No, I do not,” I would reply. “But if you need an anti-Michigan bumper sticker, I got a guy.”

My alma mater, Ball State, didn’t win a regular-season game until my sophomore year, when they upset [I suspect] Miami of Ohio.

I do recall getting excited for Ball State football a few years later. In 2008, they went 12-0, leading to rumblings they might get a BCS birth… then they lost to Buffalo, which was not [I suspect] a college football juggernaut.

The Fightin’ Cardinals did get to a bowl game, though, advancing to the iconic GMAC Bowl, where they lost to the juggernauts [at least according to the scoreboard] from Tulsa 45-13. The game is so iconic, it’s since been renamed the GoDaddy.com Bowl, Dollar General Bowl, LendingTree Bowl and now the 68 Ventures Bowl [making the 2008 game the 53rd Venture].

I bring all this up because I feel bowl games are increasingly desperate for attention.

Consider the Pop-Tarts Bowl. This Getty Images photo has an uplifting message from a Pop-Tart: Never stop dreaming, even if you’re about to be murdered in a toaster and then eaten by the winning team.

“I’m concerned even a Pop-Tart sacrifice won’t draw people to this epic match-up between Kansas State and NC State,” a network executive said.

America is a land of innovation, so they kept working. They ultimately strapped a camera to a dog who was sent out to fetch the tee after kick-off.

At the end, the players celebrated by picking at a giant Pop-Tart.

Maybe I’ve become too jaded. The Pop-Tart isn’t the only breakfast food with a bowl game, after all. Tony the Tiger is repping the Sun Bowl. We should embrace the breakfast bowls, not question their legitimacy.

Could we introduce a Trix Bowl where a rabbit brings out the coin for the pregame toss?

At Omelet Bowl, a hen could be presented to the winning team with the slogan, “You can’t achieve success in this game without breakin’ a few eggs!”

For a more uplifting contest, consider my plans for the Cap’n Crunch Bowl. He’s been wasting away at that rank for decades. At the end, the winning team could celebrate by giving the Cap’n a field promotion to admiral… or even rear admiral.

For next year’s Pop-Tarts Bowl, however, I’d like to see them shift to S’Mores, which holds the Pop-Tart trophy for deliciousness.