Li’l Baby Scaia enjoyed TV movies that would air around Christmas. The fam would gather ’round the television and screen shows that might have already been decades old but, doggone it, they had a good message.
Older But Still Adorable Adult Scaia has been reviewing them gain. A few years back, we took a look back at the year without a Santa Claus. Not an actual year without a Santa Claus, mind you, but the 1974 TV movie, Year Without a Santa Claus, where I declared I would take the mantel and become Temperate Miser.
It’s possible I’m still not traveling with the Rockettes, but with the latest in this series, I evaluated 1964’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
At the beginning, Burl Ives greets us with a warning about what’s to come.
“You might not believe it, but the world almost missed Christmas!” Sam the Snowman exclaimed.
We all leaned forward with interest.
“What’s the matter,” he continued. “Haven’t you ever seen a talking snowman before?”
Listen, Ives, enough with the sass. First of all, what we really need is a talking horticulturalist and a talking ornithologist.
Burl Ives was right to be livin’ it up with some seals, but later we see the reindeer mingling with squirrels, rabbits and birds amid impossibly large pine trees.
“What are we, supposed to just suspend disbelief when we watch a documentary about Santa?” I asked. “And where did Clarice get that hair bow?!”
Even the Abominable Snow Monster wasn’t falling for this charade. If he had his choice, he’d go after a rabbit to maybe get a stew going, but he knew his only option for a high-protein meal would force him to chase after Yukon Cornelius.
The North Pole isn’t running as efficiently as it could. Head Elf flies off the handle when Hermey explains he was fixing the doll’s teeth.
“Finish the job or your fired!” Head Elf, which really is his name, cries out.
Does anyone at the North Pole have a history in dentistry? Hermey could fill an important role at a place with so many candy canes.
Instead of micromanaging his staff, Head Elf could start a workforce development program. At the end, Snow Monster gets a job putting the star on the tree. The North Pole needs skilled tradesmen.
But Li’l Baby Scaia would be upset with me focusing on the negative during such an uplifting story, and I apologize, Burl. You have a positive message that can benefit all of us at a time when we spend most of our free time arguing with strangers on the internet about inflation and politics. Maybe silver and gold represent luxury, but “think of all the fun and joy that would be lost on Christmas morning if all the young folks didn’t get to see that sparkling, happy tree.”
If Burl Ives were narrating modern day, we’d all be sent to the Island of Misfit Toys.
