I’ve been covering Greg Abbott since he first took Chuck Norris on the campaign trail more than eight years ago.

And we, as a society, have evolved. For instance, I’ve heard him make the same joke about the Texas economy more times than I can count.

He also made the same joke at the Fort Worth Chamber.

…and at the Texas GOP Convention in Dallas in 2016.

Then I got bored with sifting through years of audio, so I felt like I had found enough examples. For you journalism students out there, save your interviews. You never know when they might come in handy for your blog. And blogs are totally the “hashtag: trending” way we communicate now.

Plus, Vladimir Putin isn’t funny anymore. Not just that, the Texas economy keeps growing, and we’ve left Russia long behind.

So Abbott’s speech writers had to find something new. “Our economy is bigger than Canada, so that makes me a bigger deal than Trudeau” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

At a business roundtable earlier this year, Abbott set his sights on Number 8.

But he’s also introduced a new scoring method. Texas has led the nation in job creation for 11 years, and that has revolutionized his speeches. At that same event, he explained Nick Saban has won just six national championships for University of Alabama football.

We may feel divided as a country. We may feel like politicians don’t truly represent us. But there’s still something that can bring us all together: making fun of Alabama.

This week, Abbott was at the ribbon cutting at a new Omni resort in Frisco.

The mayor of Frisco highlighted the importance of different levels of government working together toward a common goal. He agreed Nick Saban is funnier than Vladimir Putin.

With the Dallas Cowboys headquarters, PGA’s American headquarters, Universal Studios planning a park there and Frisco hosting the ACM Awards later this month, Jeff Cheney explains Frisco is not a suburb of Dallas.

To continue this growth, political leaders will need captivating and unique speeches to keep their growing audiences enthralled. I’d like to offer my services.

Italy is next on the list of the biggest economies in Texas aims to surpass.

“Italy, we’re coming for your ravioli!” the governor could exclaim while wearing one of those chefs hats.

“Italy, we’ll knock the gnocchi right out of your economic development,” he could say whilst wielding a spatula.

“Our GDP is $1.9 trillion!” the governor could exclaim while sitting behind a plate of pasta. “That’s a spicy meatball!”

Obviously, he would punctuate each with a finger kiss. Obviously.

Those three are free. One caveat, though: I’m good at pasta metaphors, but I don’t have particularly strong feelings one way or the other about most political matters. I’d just encourage the music of the Traveling Wilburys to be played to mellow out legislators and protesters in Austin.