The Federal Highway Administration has determined New Jersey should not be telling motorists to hold on to their butts.
Texas, meanwhile, will not be told what body parts it can and cannot encourage drivers to hold onto, moving beyond Jurassic Park references and advancing to Futurama.
After I asked if this timely reference might be considered a bit obscure, an associate explained TCU has adopted the hypnotoad as its own. The full message included support for TCU in the Big 12 Championship against Kansas State.
Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I’ve previously presented TxDOT with can’t miss ideas for its message boards. Perhaps that blog led to this Federal Highway Administration investigation [“Let’s see if we can stick it to New Jersey, first,” Acting Administrator Stephanie Pollack must have said. “I never much cared for that Snooki.”].
TCU will need additional support heading into the Fiesta Bowl. This will be the first time they’ve ever played Michigan, so they may need some pointers on how to talk trash [or talk smack, even].
My Twitter bio even points out I’m from Ohio, but for some reason, I felt it important to mention I do not have strong feelings about Ohio State football. Many of my high school associates do. Because #ScaiaBlog is here to serve, I checked with them for tips.
“Michigan won in Columbus this year for the first time since 2000,” one explained. “Since they’ve never played TCU, that means Michigan has never won in Fort Worth.”
Conversely, since they’ve never played each other, TCU is undefeated in Ann Arbor.
When I was in baseball, I thought a guy I worked with was a Michigan fan. He drove around in a minivan with a blue and gold bumper sticker. Sure, I’m the best reporter in Texas now, but back in the day, I never bothered to study the bumper sticker. I did ask, probably about a year in, why he was going on and on about Ohio State when he’s got a Michigan bumper sticker on his van.
He encouraged me to consult the bumper sticker more closely and take the time to read the full two words. Instead of “Go blue,” it encouraged Michigan to “Go blow.” I could set up a secondary market for those in Texas.
TCU now has an opportunity to join the fraternity of people who have a lot of problems with Michigan. They’ve already picked up the tradition of crossing out the letter “M”.
If TCU wins, there’s a chance they’ll have to play Ohio State for the National Championship. While the Buckeyes have been very helpful so far, I suspect they may already be thinking of ways to make fun of “Riff Ram Bah Zoo.”
Meanwhile, TxDOT should consider adding the sound of the hypnotoad to warn drivers they might want to get off the highway and take side streets to get around a wreck.
