A couple times a year, Jerry Jones demands I come by AT&T Stadium and feast from his cornucopia of new dishes. And by “Jerry Jones,” I mean, “Legends, the concessions company he and the New York Yankees own,” and by “demands,” I mean, “allows.”

The Cowboys are expecting 90,000 of their closest friends for Thanksgiving dinner. At the station, we’re on this kick to write like people talk, so I wrote, “You think cooking for your own family at Thanksgiving’s a hassle?!” leading into a story, sat back and smiled contentedly at the screen, impressed with myself. I may have taken the rest of the day off.

Each year, Legends brings reporters to take a look at what they’re cookin’ at AT&T Stadium for the Thanksgiving game. Some stats:

• 10,900 lbs of famous Mac n Cheese
• 4,250 lbs of ham
• 182 gallons of heavy whipping cream for dessert toppings
• 238 gallons of cranberry sauce 
• 11,700 lbs of turkey
• 2,390 lbs of yukon gold potatoes
• 4,704 lbs of cornbread for dressing
• 2,204 lbs sweet potatoes, including locally grown portion from WE Over Me Farm at Paul Quinn College
• 720 lbs of fresh green beans for signature Thanksgiving Bowls and Hand Pies
• 400 lbs of pecans for scratch-baked pies
• 900 lbs of pumpkin for scratch-made pies

But even Jerry Jones is not immune to inflation. Because turkeys refuse to mask up, we’re dealing with a shortage of roast [or deep fried, if that’s your preference] deliciousness. I discussed this issue with Legends Chef Heather Fuller.

Loyal Scaiaholics understand how seriously I take the task of trying out food at stadiums. For instance, Thanksgiving Hand Pie sounds delicious, but I must hold concessions stands accountable for their statements.

Fuller explains, “It’s all of the Thanksgiving goodness in one,” featuring turkey, cranberry sauce, green beans, sweet potatoes, dressing and gravy “wrapped in a flaky, buttery crust.” I’ll paraphrase a position I’ve stated previously: Perhaps what our country needs right now is to be nestled in a flaky, buttery crust.

I’m not a fan of the green bean. Hundreds were stashed away deep inside AT&T Stadium in some sort of pod vegetable tenement.

“I’d feel more comfortable if I could get a cross section of this unit,” I thought to myself. “How can we be sure the cranberry sauce and green beans can work together?” One of the chefs came back with a Thanksgiving Hand Pie for each reporter to try, giving us a look inside.

Us hothead reporters dug in and nodded thoughtfully at each other as we chewed: Legends had devised a way to get a bit of Thanksgiving in each bite. The cranberry sauce, green beans, stuffing [and I’m just now realizing Legends is not wading into the debate by using “stuffing” and “dressing” interchangeably], gravy and turkey were spread evenly throughout, ensuring Hand Pie Harmony.

Tragically, they said they weren’t making Cowboys Mac n Cheese the day we came by, but one of the cooks said they had stashed some in the back and came out with cups for all of us a few minutes later.

Legends had just started making the pies, so we couldn’t try those. We could only gaze at them from afar. The chef even had to close the door after a few seconds so as to the maintain the temperature of the sweet, sweet pie oven.

Legends has a lot of people working this week. I asked Fuller if it was tough for them to spend time away from family, but she said a lot of them have made it a part of their own Thanksgiving tradition.

I just pitched spin-offs for The Walking Dead, but I’m also open to negotiations with Hollywood about the story of the couple who fell in love over Cowboys Mac ‘N’ Cheese. I think the Hallmark Channel would find my rate quite competitive.