While celebrating Easter at an associate’s house, we started reminiscing. At the Ol’ Scaia Place, we had a tradition of watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. And by “tradition,” I mean, “I sort of remember watching it approximately twice on Easter. And by ‘on Easter,’ I mean, ‘I’m pretty sure it was Easter. If not, we were just having ham for dinner.'”

Willy Wonka came out in 1971, but I feel like Gene Wilder’s message is just as relevant today. The Oompa Loompas, pictured below in this Shutterstock image, would be busier than ever, probably working three shifts to stay on schedule.

They could be teaching us valuable lessons about not approaching situations with callousness like we know what’s going to happen. I’d love to hear their take on vaccines and political talk shows.

“Oompa loompa doompa-dee dulls,” they might explain. “Nobody cares about political polls.”

Then, of course, they’d usher you into a hilariously oversized voting booth, pull the lever and turn you into a giant hanging chad.

We may all wish we had some Oompa Loompas on staff to haul off people who become a bit much.

And if you’re thinking everyone else would wind up on the bad side of the Eggdicator, remember it is an educated Eggdicator. Gene Wilder may have to teach you a lesson about humility and self-control by calling some Oompa Loompas over to your house to show you how it really is.

But “so shines a good deed in a weary world,” Wilder said wistfully when Charlie returned the everlasting gobstopper.

So let’s not spend all our time thinking about whom we’d like to turn into a giant blueberry. Let’s think about the Charlies in this world: Dirk Nowitzki telling kids they can so do that, for instance … or people selling sunflowers to raise money for kids in Ukraine.

Let’s think about the Grandpa Joes who get up out of that bed … and also had the sense to get out of radio decades ago.

We’re all still learning, after all. In fact, I just learned “So shines a good deed in a weary world” is not a Gene Wilder quote. It’s a Shakespeare quote.

But “The snozzberries taste like snozzberries”? That’s pure Wonka, right there.

Maybe it’s best Willy Wonka was just a fantasy. Otherwise, the Eggdicator would constantly wake us up at night honking all over town to alert us it had put someone in the bad pile for thinking, “I’ll just post once more about politics on Facebook before bed.”