This week, the Texas Rangers open their home schedule against Colorado. The lock-out may have delayed the start of the season, but we’ll still get 162 games in, which is good, because you’ll need those 81 home games to try all the Rangers’ new fixin’s.

For opening day, the Rangers have scheduled a sixth grader to throw out the first pitch to illustrate how little the rest of us have accomplished in our lives. Orion Jean goes to school in Mansfield and while the rest of us were arguing about masks and vaccines, he collected 100,000 meals, becoming Time Magazine’s 2021 Kid of the Year.

Many people have questioned whether the vaccine is a great scientific leap forward or some scam by Bill Gates, but let us celebrate science. Our scientific community, after all, has figured out a way to improve upon nachos.

People thought Galileo was crazy for suggesting the earth revolved around the sun. Someone may have thought Delaware North was crazy for suggesting there was a way to get more cheese on nachos.

I discussed these Mac n Cheese Nachos with Casey Rapp, the general manager of Delaware North’s operation at Globe Life Field. Like myself, they are a dish with an Italian background but has been infused in Southwestern culture.

Delaware North has announced eight new dishes that’ll be available at Globe Life Field this year. As the best news reporter in Texas, I felt it was my duty to try them all.

For the Mac n Cheee Nachos, Rapp suggested it’d be a way to get Dad some nachos while giving his kid something to enjoy with the mac n cheese. It’s possible I enjoyed both parts [in my defense, I do not, to my knowledge, have any children]. I’ve previously suggested Delaware North would never find another place to hide a hot dog, now I wonder how they keep innovating new solutions to introduce us to more cheese.

But on to the items that have been fried to a golden brown:

Alligator Corn Dog

This is described as the State Fair of Texas meeting Cajun Louisiana. I’m not entirely sure whether the alligator itself is spicy, or if Delaware North added secret cajun spices, but the andouille sausage had an insouciant kick to it.

The Alligator Corn Dog is one of four new items deep fried to a golden brown.

You can find the location for all the new items here.

Brisket Egg Rolls

In addition to being the next item deep fried to a golden brown, the Brisket Egg Roll is one of two additions with brisket. The Brisket Egg Roll also celebrates different cultures. The egg roll has a vast menagerie of recipes from different parts of the world. The American egg roll, for instance, might be different from the Vietnamese egg roll. Now, with the addition of brisket, Texas has its own bigger, more in-your-face egg roll.

Chicken Fried Brisket Sandwich

I didn’t take a particularly photogenic picture of the Chicken Fried Brisket Sandwich [just one of the sandwich I was eating], so the one above was provided by Rapp.

To salute the Rangers’ past, this is Nolan Ryan brisket slow-smoked and deep fried to a golden brown. Rapp explains the new ballpark has given them space for their own smokers.

Cornbread Chili Pie Dog

The Cornbread Chili Pie Dog is everything it sounds like. It’s served on a bed of cornbread. Every year, when I shove my microphone in Rapp’s face, he patiently explains that among those questions they ask before they debut a new item is whether that item would be “walk-able”. Can you easily carry the item back to your seat and dig in without using a table?

This uses cornbread as the bun [continuing with the theme of innovation: it’ll be years before they figure out another place to get cornbread into a dish]. It’s then topped with a hot dog, chili, cheese and jalapenos.

Golden Chick Loaded Fries

This is another picture provided by Rapp. Similar to the nachos, we get Ricos Nacho Cheese Sauce and jalapenos, but this time, they join bacon bits. They’re all lovingly placed on top of Golden Chick French Fries.

I did not know this: PETA named the Texas Rangers’ the most vegan-friendly ballpark in 2019. I asked Rapp about that. You might not think a place like Texas, with its abundance of brisket and smokers, would cater to vegetarians and vegans. He explains he started working with the Rangers’ vegan fan club a couple years ago.

“So, like, you can just buy the jalapenos separately?”

In fact, he’s been working with companies like Beyond Meat for a while, and this year, you can get vegan chicken salad and even vegan bratwurst.

It’s possible I’m not a fan of even non-vegan chicken salad, so I didn’t try that, but the bratwurst tasted similar to a bratwurst. Plus, the bun is a locally baked vegan roll.

Rapp says they start narrowing down ideas for the next season in November.

But even with the amount of time they spend researching and testing whether they can buy enough of a given product or cook it fast enough, Rapp says some items still come as a surprise. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall when the Dilly Dog made its debut. Rapp was not expecting that one to have such staying power, but it’s become a hit.

You can see the full list of new items and locations here.

We may feel divided right now; we may feel like we’re too different. But a ballpark in Texas is the most vegan friendly in the country. We may seem like we’re no longer united, but we still embrace our shared core values: freedom, hot dogs, nachos and brisket: