Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I jumped pretty hard on the Cincinnati Bengals bandwagon. But everyone jumped on the bandwagon [which, I suspect, is what makes it a bandwagon], so I couldn’t find an acceptable shirt to watch the Super Bowl last weekend.
Ultimately, I did find this retro shirt which may have fooled people into thinking I’d been a fan a die-hard fan if I hadn’t constantly told everyone [and published several missives on the internet] I was not a particularly strong fan until last month.
It’s not as though I’m jumping off the bandwagon, either, but during the game, it’s possible I told an associate this would be a good lesson for his young child: Believing in things can make you sad, so never believe in anything.
Some day I’ll make a great father.
Even the Green Bay Packers are questioning whether Cincinnati should have lost the game. But let’s not dwell on that. Listen, they ain’t gonna replay the thing. We’ll just sound like sad sacks.
The Bengals benefited from a call earlier.
And they have a bright future. Let us not furrow our brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation. We’re Ohioans. We are innovators. We are problem solvers. Let us look forward to next season and get back to doing what Cincinnati does best: arguing about whether Skyline or Gold Star is better.
Let’s not be Gold Star, sadly trying to rundown Skyline’s name because we feel inadequate. Other people will do that, such as sports reporters in LA who notice no one showed up for the Rams’ parade.
Let us be Skyline, striving… nay, questing, to reach the top despite setbacks. And we’ll remain there, building a great empire. The streets of Cincinnati will be filled for the championship parade, streets just flowing with Skyline Chili.
I’m looking ahead; I’m even equipped with a shirt to show people I’ve been a lifelong Cincinnati Bengals for several weeks. And for this blog post, no one will ever know I encouraged a friend to teach his child not to try so the munchkin will never have to feel what it’s like to lose.
I’m proud to declare the 2021 Cincinnati Bengals honorary 1994 Montreal Expos.
