Whataburger has been trying to help us through this pandemic.

And yet, even Whataburger is not without controversy. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I first started enjoying Whataburger breakfast during a stint on the morning shift years ago.

As a journalist with his finger on the pulse of pop culture in Dallas/Fort Worth, I am attuned to the latest developments in fast food breakfast menus.

I’d like to pose a question to you, the dozens of readers who seek this blog out each week: Are those tater tots or hash browns on the breakfast burger?

Several associates and I began discussing this issue after the announcement was made. Whataburger takes the position they are hash browns.

“At issue,” I posited, “is these long, thin hash browns on the new Whatabreakfast. They’re definitely long enough to be hash browns, but are they wide enough?!”

One associate replied a tater tot can be up to two inches long before it becomes a hash brown.

But can this be so simple?! He continued:

“The width is tot territory for sure, but the length keeps it as a hash brown only.”

We could have argued about the size of a tater tot all day, but then another associate brought up a point I hadn’t considered: Just as important as dimensions are shape of the potato-based dish.

“Hash browns,” he explained, “are flat.”

“A hash brown is a thin selection of potato strips. A tot is a more cylindrical, three dimensional shape,” I replied as new vistas opened up before me.

We continued to discuss this issue and the strategies other restaurants have adopted:

“Who has the traditional hashbrown? McDonald’s style or diner style on a plate?” asked the gentleman who proposed a tot can be up to two inches long.

“Right,” a third associate proclaimed. “Waffle House has hash browns, but they are shredded style. True hash browns are loose. Or loosely formed blobs. If you can hold it, it’s not a true hash brown.”

Perhaps there’s no easy answer to this question. Perhaps Whataburger would let us describe them as tots or hash browns, just like we like it.

We’re all weary from almost two years of COVID keeping us all apart, but please try to see the good: Before, my potato cartel would have just had this discussion in person, so there’d be no record of these hard-hitting issues that are affecting all Texans right now.