Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I’m not an old man. In fact, I am a millennial.

But, in a sequence of events many of us experience, I have been getting older. This week, I turn 40.

Getting older is tough for a lot of people, but one associate makes a strong point.

“Sure beats the alternative,” he explains.

Even though I’ve been told I’m too young for a midlife crisis, I feel like becoming a cranky old man will be an easy transition for me:

I’m already embracing the lifestyle. You’ll notice that last tweet includes, “I am not an old man,” in hashtag form! I’m hashtagging while simultaneously muttering under my breath about how the computer machines think they know everything.

Loyal Scaiaholics know several associates have birthdays around the same time, so we like to celebrate with a trip to the casino.

Back when I lived in Portland, I’d go to a casino there. In fact, we’d go often enough that the Confederated Tribes of Grande Ronde [who, I would add, did not charge an ante before each come out roll] gave me a watch and some coasters to celebrate my business.

One night, an older fella wearing a jean jacket was winning us all a lot of money. At the risk of editorializing, I’d suggest he was even pwning the table.

He seemed to have a very similar method of throwing the dice each time. As a millennial, when I got home that night, I googled to see if he was just superstitious. And that’s how I learned about dice control.

I just went and looked on my book shelf. As you can see, with the frisbee sitting on top of a box of cigars, I have a vast collection of literature. And I still have the book I bought when Jean Jacket introduced me to this new world.

I spent time back in Portland practicing. I even got some casino dice and would toss them against some old egg cartons I put against the wall in my apartment [At 40, I just can’t seem to figure out why none of my relationships has led to marriage. Obviously, I have all my priorities in place].

Whenever this comes up, I explain to the group, “It’s a system. And it works.”

And looking at the book now, I realize I was mistaken. It’s not a system. It is a revolution. Complete not only with throwing technique, but also how to maximize your betting to get free coasters!

Let me walk you through my strategy this weekend:

When I wandered up to the table, the shooter was hot. He hit several points, and the table was getting crowded. I rarely bet Come Out rolls unless I’m up to shoot, so I just had Place and Buy bets scattered across the table.

In fact, the first shooter got hot enough that I was making quite a bit of money [pro-tip, not from a book: Maybe, instead of just tipping the crew, ask them whether they’d prefer a tip or a hard-way bet on their behalf].

So it’s possible my strategy was to never, technically, throw the dice myself. That then freed me up to text associates back in DFW about how I had left the table when the shooter hit a seven-out so I wouldn’t lose all the money back.

I have no idea if the shooter was using a system, a revolution or was, and this is much less likely, lucky. But if you’d like to practice dice control, maybe get some eggs and fix an omelet so you can tape the cartons to the wall. As a millennial, you can count on me for sound financial advice.

I’ll keep working at this dice control revolution because no matter how old you are, you are never done improving yourself.