Last year, air travel dropped 60%. Apparently, the International Civil Aviation Organization did not take into account the DFW to Dayton, Ohio route. I flew home for a bit last summer on a plane that was full enough to cause me to take a picture.
“I can’t believe this many people are trying to get to Dayton,” I thought to myself. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall how the Wright Brothers and Neil Armstrong have shown people will do anything to get out of Ohio.
But this year, everyone has cabin fever. Heading into Memorial Day weekend [Which, I would add, was not launched so we’d remember the unofficial start of summer but to remember people who’ve died in military service], airports are expecting a jump in passengers.
Both DFW and Love Field tweeted today that if you wanted to park at the airport, that’d be kind of tough to pull off.
“Love to travel” seems like a strange hashtag to use when you’re telling people to get psyched for long lines.
People are, after all, the worst. A couple weeks ago, TSA had reporters come out to Love Field to remind everyone not to bring stun guns through security.
The TSA’s federal security director at Love Field reports we’re out of practice. She was very patient in explaining that since many of us haven’t flown for a year, we may have forgotten we’re not allowed to bring stun guns on a plane.
Stun guns are trending up. They found 51 stun guns in April and were on pace to break that record for May. It’s possible I do not carry a stun gun, but that did call to mind the time I lost my beloved pocket knife.
But because people are the worst, she also explained they had seen an “uptick” in grenades.
“What do you mean by ‘uptick’?” a reporter asks.
She did not have a specific number for grenades. She was just adamant that you cannot even bring a replica in your carry-on or checked baggage.
Because airports and airplanes are under federal jurisdiction, you’re still required to wear a mask. I imagine the pro-grenade crowd marching on Love Field, holding a joint pro-grenade, anti-mask demonstration.
“My grenade, my right!” they’ll chant.
In society’s defense, most of the grenades the TSA confiscates are replicas. Most of them.
And here I am keeping my cologne in a bottle like a square.
As a square, I also assumed ladies kept lipstick in lipstick holders. I wonder now if I’ve ever gone out with a woman who kept a shiv in her purse.
“I just need to freshen up,” she’d say after dinner, grabbing her purse. I always wondered why, when we were leaving the restaurant, a Green Beret team was rushing in to take control of the bathroom.
