“Where will we go to get DVDs and ignore the thousands and thousands of books our tax dollars pay for?!” Dallas residents cried out in March of 2020 when the libraries shut down because of the pandemic.

This week, the libraries reopened.

“I’ll just make this about myself,” I explained to no one in particular. I discussed the reopening with the director of the Dallas Public Library.

In college, I worked at a library part-time during the summer. You probably could have deduced that from my calm, quiet demeanor.

I embraced my position as the young, hip man-hunk who was there to charm all the li’l old ladies and speak knowledgeably with their husbands about how baseball hasn’t been the same since the Dodgers left Brooklyn and music ain’t been the same since Creedence [except, of course, for the Traveling Wilburys].

I became an expert at telling people how many were in line ahead of them for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. To his day, I can still confidently explain that if you wanted to find a book about World War II, you’d look for 940 in the Dewey Decimal system because the 900 level is history. That doesn’t get me as many dates as you might think.

In fact, when I worked there [and, I assume, because I worked there], the Washington-Centerville Public Library was ranked best in the nation. We had bookmarks to alert you and everything.

I worked at the front desk occasionally, but my primary role was to sit in the mail room. I never actually touched any of the mail, mind you, that was someone else’s job. I sat at a computer and wrote the number of times an item had been checked out on a form then gave the form to my supervisor. She then told me whether we would keep the item or get rid of it [or “discard” it, if you will].

That summer, our maintenance guy learned I had a touch of cabin fever. He started bringing me out to set up tents for festivals. In retrospect, I probably could have just taken a nap in the mail room, but at the time, as a young man-hunk who knew it all, I was excited to get out.

In fact, some of the ladies in Technical Services [or “TechServ,” if you will] even rigged my name tag, changing my title from “Customer Service” to “Resident Hunk.” The library’s resident hunk could tell you where to find the non-fiction background work on Harry Potter [It’d be in the 200s, under religion. It’s possible I had to look that one up.].

But in 2021, the resident hunk would take on additional responsibilities! I’d have to work the door at the library to make sure everyone was following the dress code and was clean.

The ladies of TechServ were nothing if not prescient. After the pandemic, libraries across the country will be hiring resident hunks to work the door.

It’s possible I spent an unreasonable amount of my Friday afternoon trying to find that name tag. I may start wearing that around town. Now, I’m Fort Worth’s resident hunk! And after rootin’ through dozens of boxes in my attic, I can now boast that I have a 2007 Seattle Mariners schedule on my refrigerator right underneath the 2021 Texas Rangers schedule.

That might seem crazy, but I think it complements my 2014 Texas Rangers, 2013 Los Angeles Dodgers and 2013-2014 University of Dayton Flyers schedules well. You can also mark my refrigerator down for 900 on the Dewey Decimal System!