I believe HIPAA laws dictate, when the COVID-19 vaccine becomes widely available, your healthcare provider is required to provide a doctor or nurse to administer the vaccine and also an assistant to take a picture of you smiling reassuringly into the camera and possibly giving a thumbs up.
Businesses are anxious to reopen so we can smile reassuringly at our servers. The owner of a landscaping firm in Southlake recently became the head of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce’s Small Business Council.
He represents the owners of businesses, many of which shut down this year but still have bills to pay.
“I asked them to double check the results when they said I’d been chosen,” he didn’t actually say.
What he did actually say, though, I think may encapsulate the way many of us feel about how the pandemic has affected us.
Haven’t we all become Wile E. Coyote?
Described as a modern day Sisyphus, Wile E. Coyote was doomed to always chase the roadrunner but never achieved his goal. Wile E. Coyote had become his own tormentor.
And therein lies the existential dilemma: perhaps we are all tormenting ourselves.
I am not a crackpot.
Some people are concerned the COVID-19 vaccine will contain a computer chip to keep track of what you’re up to and control your thoughts. I feel like The Man probably doesn’t care what you think.
But perhaps I’m part of the Establishment [Perhaps we meet bi-weekly and carry paddles with us].
Some have called the vaccine the mark of the beast or some sort of pre-mark of the beast. Back in The Day, during a church sermon, I vaguely remember a priest telling the story of the guy trapped in a flood who declined help and said he was waiting for God. When he drowned and met God, God explained He had sent a rowboat, motor boat and helicopter.
We may be tormenting ourselves.
I’m not immune to becoming Wile E. Coyote, though. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall my conflicting feelings on shovin’ microphones in people’s face. You might get a good soundbite, but it also makes people nervous because they didn’t ask to become news makers.
This week, I was shovin’ the microphone in the face of police officers, firefighters and healthcare workers in Garland. The city invited us to talk to folks who’d just received their first dose of the vaccine.
One of those health care workers was a school nurse. She showed me the reminder card they get to come back for their second dose.
“Couldn’t the chip that controls your mind remind you when to come back!?” you’re surely asking yourself.
As a member of the Establishment, I’m not at liberty to answer that.
I have, however, started telling people I’m going to start handing out those cards when I go on a date as a reminder to agree to follow-up.
Feel free to use that one, Gang.
Also, “I took the BioNTech vaccine. Now I have a German accent, and my immune system tried to annex my endocrine system.”
Finally, “If you’re worried about the vaccine, instead of giving a thumbs up to the camera, just a bring a sign with you.”
Feel free to email your suggestions.
