The Dallas Cowboys can only open AT&T Stadium to 25% capacity. Their first home game was last weekend against Atlanta, and the Cowboys launched a program with their food vendor to deliver concessions stand items to people’s homes.

When I wrote that story, some people commented on the station’s Facebook page that Jerry Jones had just found another way to make money. I completely understand, “Oh, the rich get richer!” but I don’t find fault with this. He’s losing a bunch of money and figured out a way to make some of it back. That’s how rich people get rich.

Loyal Scaiaholics will recall how schools are shifting to try to teach kids problem-solving ability instead of just telling them to memorize things.

I’m figuring out ways to get rich, too. Not with this blog, mind you, but the other day, I was at Kroger and bought a third thing of seltzer because if I bought bought just one more thing I didn’t need, I’d get an additional one free! Obviously, we’ll talk more about the seltzer in a moment.

But I will hold our professional sports franchises accountable. After I did that story, a fella from the Cowboys [who was not Jerry Jones] showed up at the house with a cooler-full of food.

“I need to determine if this AT&T Stadium at Home situation is adequate for the consumer,” I reasoned. I got nervous at first. When I saw the CowboyRita logo on the cooler, I was worried this would be too extravagant to just count as a “luncheon” and would instead be listed as a “gift.” We’re all working remotely, you see, so I couldn’t have the fixin’s delivered to the newsroom for everyone to partake.

Luckily, when I opened the cooler, it was just meat and fixin’s with no liquor.

Making a great deal of sacrifice, I had some associates over the house to try everything out. The head of concessions at the stadium explained the food is idiot-proof. I can only assume that’s why they wanted to send some to my house.

“Listen,” he probably explained to Dak Prescott and Jerry Jones. “If Scaia can figure it out, anyone can.”

“Not thinking is where I’m a viking!” I thought to myself.

The fixin’s arrived, sealed, with souvenir cups and those pieces of paper they use to line serving trays, with the Cowboys star printed on them. We even had star-printed buns for the Cowboys Cheesesteak.

Perhaps the most significant item was the step-by-step instructions on how to cook everything.

And so Sunday morning, I started cooking. I did have to go to the store to pick up drinks. In addition to the selection of seltzer, its possible I also purchased other beverages adults would enjoy at a football game.

I bring that up because, when I scanned the beer, the cashier had to come over and approve it. While she was walking over, I, as a responsible millennial, got out my license. The question on the screen was, “Is the customer under 40?”

She immediately clicked, “No.”

I am so under 40! “Now, I really need that drink,” I explained to her. “And some of those Mac n Cheese balls.”

It’s possible I did not follow the step-by-step instructions exactly. I’d like to apologize to my associates. You might see in that picture above a tankard-full of mac n cheese, but instead of assembling the mac n cheese balls within the mac n cheese, I just laid them out in the pan for people to grab like finger food. Like savages. They were topped, however, with the Cheetos crumbles.

In fact, one associate, who I assume is on Keto, loaded some mac and cheese into one of the Cowboys Cheesesteak buns.

But we made it work. And so did the Dallas Cowboys.

“Hey, I think they’re enjoying the food!” Dak must have yelled at Greg Zuerlein to pump him up for that field goal.

One of my associates started cleaning up after the game, too. I recommend Legends Hospitality start including that in their packages.