Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I honor the birth of our great nation, much like John Hancock and George Washington, by eatin’ hot dogs.

Up until the COVID19 outbreak, I had no idea so many of my Facebook friends were respected epidemiologists who had such a strong understanding of the most effective ways to combat infectious disease. Unfortunately, they fell just short of figuring this COVID19 situation out by the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest in Fort Worth. Surely, if only they’d argued with each other for just a few more minutes!

Having said that, COVID19 has affected us all. KRLD ran a story this week on a family who hopes hearing about one mother’s case can show people who doubt the severity of the virus the impact the virus has had on people across the state.

Many more are out of work.

The birthplace of the Irish Nacho is struggling without a Fourth of July festival in Downtown Arlington. They had already seen sales drop with UT-Arlington closed and businesses downtown shutting down.

But this blog isn’t about the issues. This blog is about hot dog eating contests and, to a lesser extent, the Centerville Mill Propane Club.

That’s solid of him to serve free hot dogs, but how will I defend my title in the Radio, AM Frequency, Whatever-Else-They-Add-On-Every-Year-When-I-Finish-Last-In-The-Celebrity Division?! I would have earned my 5th participation trophy! A tragedy of sadness. #AlanScaiaMediaHero pic.twitter.com/3h6Yx1lYFb

— Alan Scaia (@scaia) June 30, 2020

The news came earlier this week that Fort Worth would not hold its Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. Crestfallen, I gazed upon my trophy shelf.

“A fifth trophy really would have tied the room together,” I explained.

Plus, the Coney Island hot dog eating contest would go on, just from an undisclosed location.

But the public relations associate who called this week to break the news is one of the, literally, dozens of people who read this blog every week. Earlier this year, I had lamented the cancellation of the NCAA tournament had cost the Dayton Flyers a sure championship.

Now, COVID19 was doing the same to me. He declared me champion of the celebrity division, texting me a video of the trophystress presenting him with the finished product. Much like the 1994 Expos can be declared Major League Baseball world champions, who’s gonna prove I wouldn’t have won the media division?! No one. That’s who.

And so that fifth trophy will tie the room together.

Never mind that every celebrity gets a trophy every year. Never mind that I’m using the term, “celebrity,” very loosely. And never mind that I’m about to be awarded a participation trophy without even having to participate in anything. None of that matters.

This year, I am the grand champion of the media division.

I may arrange to pick up the trophy at Curly’s tomorrow to pick up a free hot dog. And I will eat that hot dog as fast or as slow as I wish.

Because it is Independence Day. Because our Founding Fathers envisioned a society where we are free to eat at our own pace.