Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I’ve questioned the media hype surrounding coronavirus while also implying I wouldn’t hate a brief recession.

Coronavirus is serious. I’ve written a series of thoughtful articles about the effect the virus could have on the broader society. An actual doctor at an actual hospital explained the precautions they’re being told to take go further than seasonal flu, and they’re being told to ask more questions than for seasonal flu.

This blog, however, is not serious [and has a slightly smaller impact on society as a whole].

I suspected my flip attitude [or “blogitude”, if you will] toward coronavirus would lead to me catching it. But the Lord saw fit to bring these issues head-to-head [and He did so right in this blog!] with the market drop the past few days and high-profile self-quaranteeners.

Many stores have hand *soap*, just not sanitizer. CDC: sanitizer w 60% alcohol can reduce germs, but washing hands w soap & water is the best option. Some shoppers question the rush now. One says she always has sanitizer during flu season. “It’s just always a good habit to do.” pic.twitter.com/kgNkWiwGDx

— Alan Scaia (@scaia) March 6, 2020

I took action, though: I went to grocery stores to shove my microphone into the face of people shopping. Stores can’t keep hand sanitizer in stock. Never mind that the CDC had been quite adamant that soap and water were more effective than hand sanitizer.

Then I went to a grocery store myself on the way home. I was put at ease by the sight of ample cheese danish, but then … a shortage of toilet paper. Come on!

Is this where we are as a society?

Could this be a sign that we’re, just maybe, living too luxuriously, that I walked past shelf after shelf of bottled water, freshly baked bread and vitamins. But toilet paper is the thing we’ll need in Armageddon. Maybe if Rick Grimes had some Quilted Northern, he’d still be with us today.

And society won’t just be able to live on with any toilet paper. Cottonelle must feel incredibly left out.

It was then that I realized I was living in some sort of I Am Legend situation. I knew I had to take action. Which brings us back to Senator Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz was exposed to coronavirus just like the gentleman with the gas mask. Cruz, however, went a different direction: He self-quarantined.

Frankly, this I Am Legend situation is sounding better and better.  For the health of my co-workers, I’ll hang out at my place by the lake for two weeks, until the incubation period passes:

Step One: Get a place by the lake.

Step Two: Rest

Here’s where it gets complicated, and these are exactly the sort of obstacles Will Smith faced trying to save the world in I Am Legend: Which lake?

I’ve given this a lot of thought: Possum Kingdom. Then I can get some chicken fried steak in Strawn. That’ll be how I monitor society’s progress: Can Mary still get supplies for CFS?

Additionally, where will be the nearest toilet paper dispensary?

Of course, I’ll still collect my paycheck.