Loyal Scaiaholics know how seriously I take my poutine. But loyal Scaiaholics also know how seriously I take stadium food taste-tests. These worlds collided this week when I was tasked with trying the new poutine at Toyota Stadium in Frisco.

The 2020 MLS season gets underway February 29th. FC Dallas is celebrating its 25th season, and its roster is filled with young up-and-comers who will be looking to go deeper into the playoffs.

Legends Hospitality is filled with young up-and-comers, too, who have everything to prove in the arena of sports concessions.

This year, they devised a dish to serve for each visiting team. The “Away Stand” takes items native to a visiting team’s region and makes it Texian, an homage, one could only presume, to my own Texification after moving here from Ohio.

Lonestar Cheesesteak is the first rotating dish FC Dallas will serve at The Away Stand, available to season ticket holders. FC Dallas opens against the Philadelphia Union February 29. The executive chef, Rex Turner, explained that he took Philly cheesesteak and, in cooking parlance, blasted it up a notch.

Then on to the poutine. March 7, FC Dallas hosts the Montreal Impact. And much like myself, Beef Short Rib Poutine is a Texas dish whose heart in Montreal.

Poutine features french fries, lovingly topped with gravy and cheese curds. In Texas, we top poutine with short ribs, but we still do it lovingly.

Then April 4 when Los Angeles comes to town, the Away Stand will feature a California Burger, which is a burger with gruyere cheese, sliced avocado, lettuce, tomatoes and is, I assume, about 60 percent more condescending than a Texas burger. Ha! See what I did there, gang?

FC Dallas hasn’t announced the entire season of Away Stand items. I can only assume when the Columbus Crew comes to town, we’ll get some Cincinnati-style chili.

The Away Stand will have a few regular items, too. 

As an Ohioan, I can tell you it took years to learn how to eat nachos without bustin’ up the chips and spilling queso and pico everywhere when you take a bite. My solution: Stop caring about the mess.

Legends Hospitality’s solution: Make the nachos out of tater tots. I was walkin’ around the stadium, talkin’ to reporters and, at the same time, plowin’ through some Texas Tachos lovingly topped with jalapeno cheddar sausage.

The Away Stand will also bring together different cultures by taking tri-tip sirloin and chicken-frying it.

But you know what’s an American dish? The All-American Hot Dog, available at the Winners Club. Turner, and I swear I’m not making this up, had a strong answer to the question about what makes a hot dog “all-American.”

“There’s nothing more American than wrapping something in bacon and topping it with Lay’s Potato Chips.”

At the risk of editorializing, I believe he’s right. Maybe we could work through this era of divisiveness in our country by wrapping more things in bacon and topping them with Lay’s Potato Chips. Would Nancy Pelosi have torn up a bacon-wrapped State of the Union Address? Would President Trump have such turnover in his Cabinet if his advisers were topped with potato chips?

But Turner wasn’t done wrapping things in bacon. The Main Street Kitchen features a different bacon wrapped hot dog, topped with elote and Cheetos, which also brings cultures together.

“Why does everything have to be wrapped in bacon?” you might be asking yourself. “Couldn’t some of this stuff just be deep fried to a golden brown for those of us who are more health-conscious?”

That brings us to Green Chili Chicken Mac & Cheese Bites.

“Walkability” is a common we hear about at stadium food events. People don’t want to be trapped at a cafeteria table during a soccer match, football game or baseball game. They want to be able to take their food back to their seats or wander around the stadium without getting queso all over everything.

These bad boys went down easy, which was good because I spent all this time talking to the chef, so the other reporters were already finishing their lunch when I sat down.

FC Dallas also had some keto-friendly and vegetarian items. Normally, this is where I say I didn’t try any of it, but some associates have heard me, after drinking a beer or eating ice cream, say, “I just can’t figure out why I’m not losing weight on this keto diet.” So I tried the keto-brownie. It was good, but I like a gooier brownie. And yet, I just can’t figure out why I’m not losing weight on this keto diet. They also had hummus, a vegetarian burger and a tomato-avocado salad with lime vinaigrette, which was billed as gluten free, vegetarian and vegan.

But I couldn’t have the salad because I’m sticking to the Gluten Plus diet.