To celebrate the new year, I spent time at Texas Live [exclamation point] this week. They were having their first New Year’s Eve celebration, and I made a point of emailing our web team to explain how pleased I was with myself for the framing of this picture, insisting they use it on the web story, or I’d quit. Mission accomplished.

Texas Live! gave us stats on their New Year’s ball, which couldn’t drop all the way to the ground because [I swear I’m not making this up] there were people down there. The ball is the 12 feet in diameter, which is the same size as the Times Square ball.

The ball was designed by an outfit in Arlington. Armed with that information, I’m a bit disappointed they didn’t design a ball that’s exactly one foot wider than the Times Square ball to show those fools in New York who’s really in charge.

Then I woke up bright and early to see Dallas County swear in its newly elected officials. I was a bit disappointed again when no one, when asked to raise their right hand, stopped and said, “Wait. My right or your right?”

That would lead to banter with John Wiley Price that would end with some sort of hilarious Three Stooges-esque slapstick misadventure. I may make that my New Year’s Resolution: We’re bringin’ back the nose honk.

But listen, gang, we’ve all got New Year’s resolutions to focus on. I’d like to help.

Many people resolve to lose weight in the new year but can’t see it through. Back in ’18, I laid out my plan for the next fad diet, and it’s catching on.

One of our traffic anchors, Randy Fuller, first developed the plan, and he’s stuck with it. He walked up to my desk a couple days ago and declared that two hot dogs left on the roller at 7-Eleven made for a quick breakfast.

But a group text revealed the next step in making Gluten Plus a reality.

Recently, an associate texted this picture to everyone, explaining that someone baked three pies into three cakes.

Sure, Back to the Future had us time traveling and driving flying cars by now. 2001 declared we’d have conquered space travel and then be doomed by sentient computers, which, by the way, we had also designed.

But I think figuring out a way to bake pies into cakes trumps all that.

There’s still room to grow, though. As the voice of reason, I explained they should get some cobbler in there.

That led to a spirited discussion about what else America needs to bake into a cake. Feel free to send me your suggestions, and I’ll bring them up the next time I see that guy who says, “Bam!”

If you’re feeling like you can’t stick to your New Year’s Resolution, though, just make sure you’re getting enough cobbler.