My hometown is causing the National Park Service to shake its head and wring its hands with angst over a plan to knock down the world’s first airplane factory.

Dayton has a complicated history with aviation. The Wright Brothers built their plane in Dayton, but then they trucked it to North Carolina to fly it. As a rebuttal, Dayton shut down American Airlines earlier this year. But those of us who grew up in Ohio aren’t bitter.

North Carolina had been describing itself as “First in Flight.” The other day, I was sitting at a red light behind a guy from North Carolina. Normally, I’d start honking and yelling swear words, but then I saw their license plates had been redesigned.

Listen, North Carolina, I think it’s #adorbs you keep trying to find things to be first at, but I feel like you weren’t first at freedom, either. Delaware beat you the first time around. And then all the states in the North beat you at freedom when you, ya know, seceded from the Union.

“But, listen!” North Carolina residents are screaming at their computer screens while shaking their fists. “We were one of the last states to secede!”

The North Carolina DMV explains the town of Mecklenburg passed its own Declaration of Independence more than a year before the United States became a thing. Anyone from Mecklenburg will tell you that was the real Declaration of Independence. The guy telling you that would probably sound like a real crackpot, though, like [hypothetically] some guy from Dayton, Ohio [who hasn’t actually lived there for 15 years] going on about how that’s the real Birthplace of Aviation.

The Wright Brothers, you see, may have been pioneers of aviation, but they chose to be aviation pioneers in the worst part of town.

Delphi decided to start making auto parts there but shut down a few years ago, and the land is contaminated. “But not so contaminated we couldn’t put a library there!” the Dayton Metro Library apparently exclaimed.

So now, the Park Service is trying to hatch a plan where they knock down Delphi, but keep the Wright Brothers’ buildings in place. The library would keep the buildings as a historic site. But the owner of the land is playing hardball.

“We could just as easily knock down the airplane factory and put in, like, a Blimpie or something,” they’re probably saying.

Listen, National Aviation Heritage Alliance, that article says you’re offering $300,000 more than the land is worth. If you want to truck the airplane factory to Texas, I’d be more than happy to sell you my place for $300,000 more than it’s worth.

Now, Connecticut’s trying to get in on this Birthplace of Aviation racket. If there’s one thing Ohio and North Carolina can agree on, it’s that Connecticut sounds desperate.