Highway message boards in Texas have started displaying different messages.

Since, approximately, the Middle Ages, police and transportation offices across the country have been warning us to “Click it or ticket.” I believe that slogan was one of Martin Luther’s 95 Theses.

I vaguely remember a slogan in Oregon reading, “Crashes are not accidents!” But that wasn’t as catchy as the one showing up now.

Now, TxDot has changed “Click it or Ticket” to “Aww… snap your seat belt.”

This is solid. But I’ve now lived in Texas ten years and we’re just now getting a new slogan. I’m worried this one will get played out, too.

I’d like to submit some new ideas to TxDot so this one doesn’t get hackneyed.

We can start easy, with some Toby Keith:

I was introduced to country music when I started college. That was right about the time, “How Do You Like Me, Now” came out.

Then I started hitting the harder stuff because modern day country started becoming too “pop” [I’m not an old man]. That brings us to George Jones:

Readerboards don’t have to be a downer, though. Back in The Day, I was involved in a relationship with a woman in Portland. We were on our way to the Oregon Coast one day. She started flipping through my CDs [Kids, compact discs, or “CDs,” are a type of music people listened to Back in the Day] and was flummoxed by my collection of classic rock and country.

One of those CDs was some BTO. That could really lift commuters’ spirits:

TxDot would have to ensure DAH DAH duh duh dah dah DAH would be included on the message board.

I recall the lady from earlier being a fan of Justin Timberlake and the Maroon Fives [I’m not sure why it didn’t work out. I was obviously totally hip and “with it”].

But the one thing we agreed on, and she said every girl feels this way, was that I’m handsome. Wait… she saw my Frank Sinatra CD and said every girl loves, “The Way You Look Tonight.”

I can see the hearts of lady commuters in Collin County just melting as they fasten their safety belt.

For the Sinatra board [and you may have noticed the second line of the BTO board is missing a “duh”], you’ll probably need bigger signs. I’m happy to testify on your behalf at the next legislative session, TxDOT. The Sinatra bill could get bi-partisan support.

Whether testifying before the legislature or writing hilarious safety-themed slogans, I think you’ll find my rates quite competitive.