This morning, my boss was wandering through the newsroom, asking if anyone wanted to cover the hard-hitting story about IHOP changing its name.

I have no idea how he made it all the way to my row [I sit in the back, with all the other ruffians] without anyone claiming it. At the time, I wasn’t even sure what he was asking. I just heard, “Does anyone want to go out…”

“Yes,” I stood up and exclaimed. “I would love not to be sitting in this room anymore.”

Loyal Scaiaholics know how I long for the fresh air, and how that fresh air has gotten me fired.

So off I went to IHOB.

For aspiring journalists, here’s how to do it: I started chatting with a couple people as they walked into IHOB. I got a soundbite from a guy who declared, quite confidently [but in the accent you’d expect from New York City], that he is from BUFFALO, and they know their burgers, so he’s in favor of the change.

After I already had the soundbites I was looking for [in the interest of telling a complete story, one woman was anti-burger], I went inside and asked the manager if it was okay for me to be there [a reporter asks. Eventually.]. He said I’d have to clear it with corporate. I gleefully said I understood and started leaving.

The manager couldn’t have been more accommodating, though. I asked if they’re getting new signs and who pays for signs that have a “B” on them.

He walked me over to a couple of posters. He told me to take a look.

It was all just a marketing stunt! He said they’re rolling out burgers that [I swear I’m not making this up] taste good enough that his staff is actually willing to eat them.

He said the “P” isn’t going away. This was all just an elaborate marketing stunt to draw attention to the new burgers.

The manager asked not to be identified because IHOB had not yet released its follow-up announcement that this was just temporary. But it worked. Whataburger has responded. Burger King even took the step of changing its name to Pancake King.

I checked with the newsroom to see if anyone wanted me to bring any burgers or flapjacks back, but no one wanted flapjacks. [I’m a big fan of the new “Search” feature on the website. I just typed in “flapjacks” and saw all the other times I’ve referred to flapjacks, not pancakes. Thank you, alanscaia.com, for confirming that Alan Scaia is quite the wordsmith.]

Thinking back now, I really do think one of my professors started me doing interviews first, then asking if it’s okay after I’m done. In fact, I think it’s the same professor who once wrote “a reporter ASKS” on one of my papers. So, let this hard-hitting story about flapjacks be a lesson for li’l journalism students learning their trade.

I’m also willing to accept tenure at a local university. I’m not entirely sure what “tenure” is, but it sounds like it would come with a pipe and one of those sport coats with elbow patches.