This week, most of the li’l raggamuffins of Texas are wrapping up school. Teachers explain they need time in the Fall to get kids back into the mindset of learnin’ stuff [their exact words].

That brings us to Grossology. Grossology, you see, is an exhibit that opened over the weekend at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and Technology.

I’ve covered other events at the museum, such as an exhibit on the Indiana Jones films and archaeology. I do feel the museum should have posted a warning not to look directly at the Ark of the Covenant, though. This woman’s face could have melted!

Grossology, though, involves a lot more “hands on” material.

For instance, shortly after your arrival, you’ll see a cow who explains that she’s “just chewing the cud.”

Kids can push several buttons to start the digestive process.

They pull those levers to move the cud along.

The first lever causes the cow to burp. The last lever, as you can see, causes the cow to toot. Tooting is a common thing you’ll hear at this exhibit.

So the kids [and, it’s possible, the reporters] can enjoy making the cow fart, but we also learn things about cows. Did you know cows spend nine hours a day chewing grass?

If I hadn’t made the cow fart, I’d have had no idea.

This is an exhibit that involves a lot of tooting, though. At one point, the kids [and, it’s possible, the reporters] spend some time shoving their fingers into a thing. Then the speed at which they remove the finger will simulate farts of different sounds

​Toot Toot explains why this is the case. Vibrations [and it’s possible I’m simplifying this because the words in the official explanation make me uncomfortable] sound different based on how tight the surrounding muscles are, much like a guitar string.

If you see the exhibit, you get a much more detailed explanation.

Continuing on, you’ll see a small video arcade.

The game is Urine.

Urine: The Game finally gives kids a more exciting way to experience the work of a kidney.

The game shows kids how kidneys remove waste from the blood. I spoke to the girl playing Urine. She said she enjoyed the entire exhibit because it was so hands on and memorable. In addition to things farting, she could also use microscopes to look at bacteria and learn about animals she didn’t know much about.

“It was all really nice and very… gross,” she explained in a remarkably well-thought-out comment. “But still nice.”

There are other games, too, if you’re not excited about kidney function for some reason.

Kids can also take on the role of a dung beetle. Dung beetles, kids [and, it’s possible, the reporters] learned, roll dung into balls, a lady dung beetle will follow, and he’ll bury it and the beetles make sweet, sweet love near the ball of dung [and I’m the one who’s still single?!]. The lady then lays her eggs inside.

In addition to making cows fart, kids also learn the science behind why humans burp.

This gentleman explains that the sphincter [there are a lot of mentions of sphincters in the exhibit. I’m not sure why that strikes me as more strange than the number of times farts play a role.] to your stomach closes and captures gas inside.

If too much gas builds up, the sphincter is forced open and you belch [or “eructate.”]

You can see the wall behind the gentleman is skin. It’s a wall where kids can actually climb up zits and warts.

Kids will also come across various other things labeled with signs like, “Smell me!” and “Touch me!.” I’ve been using that parenthetical, “and, it’s possible, the reporters,” but, going back to my comment about promiscuous lady dung beetles, I’ve been told “Don’t touch me!” enough that I backed off each of those options.

Back at Toot Toot, I apparently started tooting so loud, a vice president from the museum, I swear, came over to ask how I was doing. She urged me to interview Dr. Nose-it-All

Dr. Nose-it-All is a faucet with a runny… faucet.

Frankly, I think he should have called in sick out of concern that he’d infect the kids, but the museum insisted I talk to him.

I’ve interviewed presidents, CEOs, and a couple of years ago, I met the pope. This was my first interview with a faucet, however [a reporter asks]. But the faucet did answer this reporter’s questions. Frankly, he was a better interview than some of the mammals I’ve talked to.

The exhibit will be at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and Technology through the end of the year. It’s geared toward kids, but it’s possible this reporter enjoyed himself and may have stayed longer than was necessary. Also, when I mentioned this to a coworker, she immediately started making plans to bring her husband.

I am a little concerned, though. There’s a game show where kids [and, it’s possible, the reporters] can choose which animal is slimiest. I know hosts are supposed to be engaging with their audience, but I don’t know why Sly Mold kept eyein’ me while I walked around.