I’m at work today, and our traffic anchor came out to tell me about a major crash involving a semi-truck on I35e.

The driver wasn’t hurt, but it’d be a while before they could reopen the highway, so we started talking about the best way around.

There’s no, you see, there’s no exit from Highway 183 directly to Loop 12. You’d have to go through a traffic light. On the other side of the interstate, you could take Harry Hines, but you’d have to go through other traffic lights. And Google Maps was reporting Harry Hines was no picnic either.

Because this crash was so close to Downtown Dallas, I explained to Nikki she should tell listeners to get on 183, then just stay on 183 all the way to Fort Worth.

“Fort Worth is the lovelier town,” I suggested she explain to listeners. “Maybe hop off on 121, go into downtown and stop at the Reata for CFS. That’ll get your mind off the traffic.

I think there’s a popular seafood joint in Downtown Fort Worth if you’re, like, not into CFS for some reason. Then head up 35W instead of 35E. It’s not as though 35W is under construction and might have a closure of its own.”

I told her I’d give her extra time for her traffic report to give people those alternate routes.

All this talk about CFS led Nikki to suggest Pappadeaux as an alternate destination. Turns out Pappadeaux is a quick exit off 35E near the site of the crash, so if you were looking for a way to get your mind off traffic, maybe it was a slightly more convenient location than a restaurant approximately 35 miles away. Maybe. Slightly.

So after Nikki explained your dining options along various detours, I would, in lieu of a newscast, talk about how both the Reata and Pappadeaux played a role in my assimilation into Texas culture.

I recently ate at the Reata in Alpine during my trip to Big Bend. That stretch of the desert would have been one of the first places I passed when I first entered Texas, lo, almost ten years ago.

Shortly after I started work in Houston, an associate suggested I meet her at Pappadeaux one day for lunch. That was where I had my first baked potato loaded up with beef and pork. I remember seeing that on the menu and thinking, “Wait, so they’ll just shove beef onto a potato, like they do with sour cream?! It’s a Texas Miracle!”

Nikki then explained that Pappadeux is a seafood restaurant, and I was probably thinking of Pappasitas.

But it turns out, I wasn’t thinking of Pappasitas, either. That’s a Mexican joint. I was thinking of Pappas. Just “Pappas”.

Turns out, all of these places are owned by the same family. The Pappa family. Who probably launched several chains of similar sounding restaurants specifically so they’d get some guy with a blog to link to each chain one day, and they’d get epic publicity. Epic. With lots of words in bold type and italics! It’s the only explanation that makes sense.

In conclusion, you probably could use some lighter news showing up in your feed this weekend. You’re welcome.