After working four consecutive days last week, I explained to my boss that I needed some time on vacation.

I’m wrapping up a trip to the Big Bend area, where I explained to Scaiaholics I was going to get to the bottom of this Marfa Lights situation. I didn’t realize until I hit the road that I had moved to Texas from Oregon in March of 2008, so I was blasting through West Texas almost ten years to the day when I first arrived in El Paso. Oh, if only I could tell mid-20s Scaia of the adventures that awaited him! And also, maybe lay off the kolache.

During this trip, I’d conduct research, by which I mean stopping at a brewery and also determining which diner served the best breakfast burritos [Although a Scaiaholic on the trip repeatedly had to correct me when I said I was eating a breakfast taco].

When I walked into Alicia’s Mexican in Alpine, Alicia herself was telling me the best breakfast burritos to try.

“I’ll try one of each,” I said, confidently ordering three items, like you might do at Taco Bell because at Taco Bell, each item has approximately one ounce of food.

“Great, that’ll be $15.24,” Alicia [her name isn’t actually Alicia, but she was running the place. More on names in a bit] replied.

I was surprised that a breakfast burrito might cost five dollars. When I received the burritos, though, they were in a sack that weighed approximately 20 pounds. I realized I had bought enough food for the entire trip.

While I was waiting, Alicia [back to the names] addressed everyone [yes, everyone] who came in by their first name. In many cases, she already knew what they would order.

“I feel like a tourist,” I told Alicia. I also texted that comment to an associate who responded, “You are a tourist.”

Alicia, though, couldn’t have been more supportive.

“Alan, I got your name when I took your order. Now, I’ll know for next time. Just don’t wait ten years,” she replied.

We also discussed how easy it is to get to know the customers because no one in Alpine is in a rush.
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The issue of people rushing also came up when I stopped at McDonald Observatory. An associate back in Fort Worth had urged me to stop there. Because I was adamant about getting to the bottom of this Marfa Lights situation, an observatory seemed like a good place to start.

I started by getting a t-shirt.

When I went to the cashier, she looked at my drivers license and said, “Oh, you’re from Fort Worth. It’s good to get out of the big city for a few days, eh?”

Getting out of the city was a common theme. As I explored Marfa, I noticed quite a few California transplants. California transplants who were driving up the cost of trying to buy a house in the middle of nowhere.

This house, for example, is smaller than my house in Fort Worth. It’s listed at $950,000. Because it’s in the middle of a desert, I suspect you save money on a lawnmower, but Marfa is a town of about 2,000 people.

But Marfa does have, I suspect, more artisan shops per capita than any other city in the United States.

Never mind the artisan shops, though. I was going to get to the bottom of this Marfa Lights situation.

The Marfa Lights are allegedly visible along a highway between Marfa and the town of Alpine. Along this highway, you’ll see signs alerting drivers to the Marfa Lights Viewing Area coming up in just one mile. One mile! Keep right!

I pulled in during the daytime to get a picture of a surprisingly intricate structure, given that the Marfa Lights may not, technically, exist.

At night, people pulled up in their RVs or with their motorcycle club to get a look at the Marfa Lights.

“Look at that!” was a common thing to hear.

“No, that’s a light from the old airstrip,” was a common thing to hear next.

We also saw the headlights of people driving toward us. According to a plaque, the Marfa Lights were first spotted in 1883. Was that guy just seeing headlights or lights from a runway?!

“Maybe he saw campfires in the mountains,” an associate said in a much less hilarious way.

No one saw any crazy lights the night we were there, but an associate on facebook said he had seen the Marfa Lights during a visit, explaining they bounce around in circular motions. None of the lights we saw bounced anywhere.

Which leads me to believe Marfa has become a hot artist enclave for people from California by cooking up a phony UFO landing strip.

There may be a message there for cities in the Rust Belt. Back home in Ohio, factories kept closing where I grew up. If you want to revitalize an area, claim an alien invasion and watch the money roll in!

I just spent three days in West Texas, spending money at the finest breakfast burrito establishments.

Undeterred by the lights, my associates and I also climbed a mountain to get to the bottom of this Sul Ross Desk situation. It turns out, we actually climbed the wrong mountain, but at least I got a good picture of a trophy sitting on top of a mountain. Never mind why I was carrying a trophy. I’m always carrying a trophy.