Pundits, wags and experts are all weighing in on how 2017 was the year we all pulled it together or ruined everything. I suspect the pundits and wags pick their sides by hitting each other with paddles.

But who will look out for the issues most important to loyal Scaiaholics!? Scaia, that’s who. In fact, while I was in Ohio for Christmas, another associate declared herself quite pleased to carry the label, “Scaiaholic.” Let’s make our 2018 New Year’s resolution to get that “trending,” gang. I’m not entirely sure where it might “trend” or why, but let’s make that happen.

First, though, let’s take a look back at some of the most important issues we dealt with here at 1 Scaianalysis Esplanade:

Special Sauce

In January, a McDonald’s in Dallas was chosen as a site to give away limited edition, individually numbered bottles of Special Sauce.

An associate back in the old newsroom sent me a text about it. I was covering a news story nearby and popped in to get a quick soundbite. Then McDonald’s had me pop out with a bottle of Special Sauce.

And I realized recently that bottle is still sealed in my refrigerator, crowded in the back of the condiments shelf. But listen, the “Best by” date is empty, so I’m sure it’s still chock full of special sauce-ly goodness.

Scaia the Poet

In April, we discussed poetry. Since then, it would appear limericks have played an important role in my conversations with another associate. Via text, we’ve exchanged, and I’m sorry to say this is true, dozens of limericks over the past four months.

She had explained that one of her pieces the term, “limericks,” would only use two syllables, saying only a monster would pronounce limerick with three syllables, leading to the following response:

The limerick monster
Will destroy us all for sure
The Norwegians first

In 2018, I’ll work on narrowing down an agent for my coffee table book on poetry.

Hot Dog Championships

Each year, I participate in a celebrity hot dog eating contest at the Fourth of July. And each year, I own the broadcast division.

After I left WBAP, the public relations guy for Curly’s declared he was already planning for the event in 2018, saying he hoped my move across town would renew my vigor for hot dog eating contests.

Later in July, I did a story on a new Texas law allowing churches to train members of their congregation in security instead of hiring an outside firm. A couple months later, my first day at KRLD was the day of the Sutherland Springs shooting. The producer that day said the last person KRLD hired had her first day when the tornado sirens were hacked. The last person was also a WBAP cast-off. More on that in a moment.

Onward and Upward!

After a station car was damaged by water in Hurricane Harvey, WBAP and I decided to head in different directions.

I was out of work for almost 24 hours in October before another station called. Not a full 24 hours, mind you, but almost 24 hours.

Since then, WBAP has gone bankrupt and is now losing to KRLD in the ratings. We really did head in different directions.

Sentence Art

Later in October, one of my can’t miss business ventures took center stage. It’s possible Sentence Art still exists as just that one diagram a couple associates crafted, but we took a step forward when I was home at Christmas.

My mom got me a book about sentence diagramming. It’s an entire book about the history of sentence diagrams! Now, I know what I’ll be doing this weekend. I’ve already started flipping through it. The first sentence mentions the term, “sackbut.” That’s how you know it’ll be a solid resource.

The Man is Watching You Vacuum

I’ve said in several posts that becoming an angry old man who thinks Kids Today are ruining everything will be an easy transition for me.

When I was home at Christmas, a loyal Scaiaholic declared that she had stopped using her Roomba because she was concerned that it was learning the layout of her house. She explained that she had rearranged her furniture several times, but the Roomba would make note of the changes after the first pass-through.

She was concerned the Roomba was uploading the layout of her living room to the cloud so Homeland Security could spy on her. That’s exactly the type of thing I would worry about. That’s why I have hardwood floors. Ain’t no Swiffers workin’ for The Man!

​Now, we’ve seen where we and the pundits have been this year. On second thought, maybe we shouldn’t try to get #Scaiaholism trending. Maybe it’d be more responsible to offer Scaia Rehab. But that wouldn’t look as good with a hashtag.

Let’s revisit that at the end of 2018.