I’ll fly home to Ohio for a few days to celebrate Christmas. Loyal Scaiaholics know I don’t care for flying, so I had started becoming nervous as soon as everyone said, “Hey, Texas might get some snow around Christmas!”

To give me more time to worry, I’ve been filling in on the overnight shift this week. That’s also given me time to catch up on the high-profile midday television line-up.

For example, I saw a star-studded episode of Simon and Simon featuring Dennis Franz. Even though that predated his stretch on NYPD Blue by about ten years, he still looked exactly like you’d expect Dennis Franz to look like.

I understand your plight, Dennis Franz. Every year when I go home for Christmas, my mom decorates a Christmas tree with an ornament to show the neighbors the last time I had a full head of hair was when I was in kindergarten.

Later, while watching an episode of Card Sharks, Bob Eubanks and I both expressed dismay when a contestant, looking at a 10, declared the next card would be higher. Higher than a 10! Needless to say, she wasn’t gettin’ to the top level of the money cards.

I also watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which I now realize would probably be better enjoyed while smoking marijuana (or, as the kids would say, “reefer”).

Gene Wilder is a visionary, though. He told Scaia, who’s at a crossroads in his career, “You can’t get out backward. You have to go forward to go back.” That, of course, wouldn’t be his only film with an inspired line of dialogue.

​I’m done with the night shift, but I’m still keeping some odd hours. Today, I woke up around lunch time with a list of things I needed to get done before I leave for Ohio [Don’t ask why purchasing Beaver Nuggets is on the list. It doesn’t matter].

Then I looked at twitter and saw society had come together and, in a show of solidarity, got me to stop thinking the weather might be the most inconvenient part of flying home for Christmas.

“Are they going to have enough bins?!” I would have frantically asked other passengers in line at the TSA checkpoint, shooing them away from the stack of bins. “I mean, my laptop has to have its own bin. It’s own bin!”

“Are they going to have enough velvet rope for all the twists in the line through the terminal? How can we be sure?!”

“They always tell us, ‘If you see something, say something,’ but I feel like we’re all seeing quite a bit more than we would care to!'”

“Why do I keep saying things with exclamation points?! That’s how you know society is crumbling, when you’re talking with bothquestion marks and exclamation points! And you’re speaking in a lot of italics!”

“Wait, we have to repopulate the airport?! Can’t everybody in the security line at least go to dinner and get to know each other first?!”

I’d like to hope as that security line wound its way through the airport, there was someone there to calm passengers who were nervous about missing a flight.