Houston and I have a rich history together. Back in the olden days, I had a perfectly lovely job in Portland, Oregon that I enjoyed going to every day with people I enjoyed working with.
Naturally, I quit that job and moved to Houston, where I was miserable for approximately one year. It wasn’t the city’s fault. In fact, I had a lovely social life in Houston. I was, among other things, introduced the po-boy and also learned how to find excellent deals on margaritas.
This year, The Lord decided Houston needed a feel-good story and ensured the Astros won the pennant. His decision to get involved like that may affect His ability to get into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, though. Am I right, fellow Ohio natives?!
Last year, my network wanted me to cover the World Series, saying it’d be historic regardless of who won because both Chicago and Cleveland were in such long droughts. My old station vetoed it, saying the audience wasn’t interested. But now, unencumbered, I’m free to go to whatever World Series I want.
This visit wasn’t just World Series-related, though. Some associates were also throwing a Halloween party at Rice University.
Naturally, I dressed as the pope. I’m Catholic and went to a Catholic high school. My senior year, they let us wear costumes instead of our uniforms on Halloween.
Originally, I planned to dress as the Incredible Hulk. “I’ll just need to get some tattered rags and a bunch of green body paint!” I thought. The vice principal politely explained that even though we don’t have to wear our uniforms, the costumes did need to cover, and I swear I’m not making these conditions up, our nipples and belly buttons, so my tattered rags would need to more closely resemble a parka.
My associates and I were devastated, but when I got home and mentioned it to my mom, she went to work. If I couldn’t dress as the Incredible Hulk, she’d show them [insubordination may run in the family]. She started working on the logistics so I could dress as the pope.
The next morning, I showed up with decorated bed sheet vestments and a hat that was strangely intricate, given that I don’t think there was a trip to the store involved.
When I walked into the school, the vice principal was standing there smiling at everyone who came in with their adorable li’l costumes. Then she looked at me, sighed and said, “I should have let you come as the Incredible Hulk.”
You might think it’s weird that I kept a Halloween costume for 15 years and several moves across the country. You might be a fool. It’s clearly coming in handy.
So the pope shows up at a party at Rice. We all wanted to show support for the Astros figuring out a way to make people in Houston not think about Hurricane Harvey, so a softball game broke out, leading to students walking by to see the pope pitching to a zebra.
One associate even dressed as a Houston Astro, but I feel like the pope pitching to a zebra is the better photo op.
But Houston Astro Costume is texting me right now, saying the Astros have gone 32-16 since I showed up to cover Hurricane Harvey.
You’re welcome, Houston. Clearly, my visit motivated the team.
