My round-robin of luncheons with the public relations firms of North Texas is ongoing. Over the past week, I’ve been treated to lunch at the City Club of Fort Worth and the Fort Worth Petroleum Club.

I feel like I need to take advantage of these offers for fancy, free luncheons while people are still–wait, no. I’m doing that for networking. I’m going to these luncheons for networking.

I’ve enjoyed having some down time. One of the PR folks explained over the course of a couple weeks, she had heard me in Houston, then in Orlando, then in Key West. I had never actually gone to Key West, but she made a strong point and I didn’t care to nitpick.

​Back home, I was spending slightly more time on social media. An associate allegedly set me up with an “Instagram” account, which feels like the same thing as facebook. “Only old people still use facebook,” she explained… and then linked it to my facebook account.

​I was also sent pictures from a wedding I participated in a few years ago. If any you find yourself questioning your faith at some point, this should help.

​The reporter in me is not completely gone, though. An associate texted one day, asking what I was up to. I responded that I’d become a beatnik who sits on the couch all day, writing poems and rollin’ doobies.

But wait–is the preferred spelling, “dubies” or “doobies?” As a journalist, my investigation showed the Chris Farley sketch from Saturday Night Live came up with “doobies”, so I used that. Then I watched the sketch approximately three times. Then I was exhausted, so I took a nap.

I had also started watching more Jeopardy!. A few years ago, I passed the online test and passed the in-person audition. Then they make a point of telling you they have a lot more people in the contestant pool than actual room for contestants, so you probably won’t get called. Still, though, you might think that connection to the show means I wouldn’t take the time to pause the game so I could go back and record Alex Trebek saying he knows “nothing about a dick tree.” You might be a fool.

I’m also learning Perfect Strangers was years ahead of its time. There’s an episode about house flipping! The show may also have included more adult lines than its ABC TGIF status let on. During that episode, Balki starts singing Eric Clapton’s “Cocaine.” I feel like the impressionable youth of the 1990s didn’t catch that.

There’s also an episode about traumatic brain injury! Years ahead of its time.

Moving forward, I’ll organize a protest of McDonald’s dipping sauces. Apparently, that’s where we are as a society. I’m an American, and I demand a dipping sauce that involves Worcestershire! Our society does not have too much free time! It’s not as though these people were freaking out about dipping sauce while other people were struggling somewhere.