The past few days, I had been looking forward to quiet time at the house, but it’s been shockingly busy. Approximately half of the Metroplex called, asking when they could take me out to lunch.

Listen, gang, I had no idea this many people loved me. I mean, I knew most people love me, just not this many.

One associate had clearly read to the end of my last post because he texted, “Don’t do Scaia like that!” making my departure from WBAP a strange homage to Tom Petty. And I’m okay with that. I’ll just need to get a top hat.

​I also, I would add, will not back down. Hey, Scaiaholics, I’m workin’ on a mystery over here. You know, goin’ wherever it leads. I’d like to thank to Tom Petty for taking the same dismissive attitude toward the letter, “g.” Excuse me, *takin’* the same dismissive attitude.

Many of these luncheons have been productive in helping me devise a plan. These get-rich-quick-schemes may become the blog for a while.

One associate suggested I become a professor of “fashion media” at SMU. Fashion media. I may try that. Here’s a proposed syllabus:

​Week One:

1.) Flapping Dickies
a.) Hilarious?
b.) Flapping Dickies in pop culture

2.) Bow Ties
a.) I think it makes you look exhausted but stately to wear an untied bow-tie around your neck with a tuxedo shirt.
— I’m going to start walking around like that and exhaling loudly whenever someone asks for a favor.

Week Two:

1.) Pants
a.) Is it weird that your fashion media professor is more likely to wear pants when he’s home alone now that he owns a house than when he rented an apartment because he feels like it’s more civilized?
— It is not

2.) Corsets
a.) Apparently these are a thing again.
— Did someone, like, say, “People look too comfortable these days. Let’s bring corsets back”?
b.) Corsets for men were apparently also a type of thing.

Weeks Three through 15:

Independent Study

I’ll be awaiting your offer of tenure, SMU.