This morning, I’m talking with affiliates about Major League Baseball’s trade deadline. Each July, Pundits declare teams winners or losers based on whom they acquired. Or didn’t acquire. Or “gave up for a rental.”

Yu Darvish, you see, is a rental. He’ll totally be back with the Rangers next season. Or he won’t. Every one of us is an expert who knows exactly what will happen.

Baseball became a go-to topic for me when my network editors found out I’m a former umpire. But listen, my connection to baseball goes far beyond that [I’m also not getting booked for interviews as frequently as I’d like, though that does give me some free time during my normal 12 hour doggone workday. Free time to blog.]. Loyal Scaiaholics know I’m a fan of the Montreal Expos, and this weekend Tim Raines was inducted into the Hall of Fame as the third member wearing an Expos hat.

​The Expos and I go way back. They remind me of my lost youth and innocence. Back in the 90s, the Expos had a few solid years that ended so tragically. I grew up in Ohio, and that summer, the Reds were also in first place in their division.

A childhood associate and I would analyze games on the phone when the Expos played the horrible Atlanta Braves, and the game was broadcast nationally on TBS. We’d switch back and forth between the Expos game and Reds game.

Except when Perfect Strangers came on. Then, if you were anything, you flipped over to ABC’s TGIF lineup for Perfect Strangers. More on that soon, thanks to hulu.

Also, in English class toward the end of the 1996 season, the teacher at my Catholic high school would go around the room and ask if we had anything we wanted to pray for. The other kids would pray for a sick family member or to do well on a test. I would always say, “I’d like to pray for the Montreal Expos to win the National League pennant.”

After I had done that for a few weeks, the teacher asked when the season ended. I replied, “October, in a couple months.” She sighed. In October, I also sighed.

One season, the family even made it up to Montreal. I’ve been to games in Cincinnati, Chicago, Baltimore, Boston, Seattle, Los Angeles and here in Texas. Montreal, though, stands out for a few reasons: They played music that got the crowd weirdly riled up in a very French way and had, among the hotdog vendors, some lady walking up and down the aisles selling sushi. They also had poutine, which is apparently a type of thing.

A few years ago, I interviewed some Expos fans in Arlington who were touring each ballpark to drum up support for a team. I would also discuss this situation with former Expo Warren Cromartie.

Listen, I’ve said this before, but I’d be happy to join the cause. I could come on board in the media relations department for the New Expos. I don’t speak French, and I cannot understand why poutine would be considered a good dish.

I do, however, have a plan to rescue Youppi! from the Canadiens, New Expos: We’ll steal a zamboni from the Canadiens, then negotiate an exchange.

I’ll be waiting for your call.