The Texas legislature’s 140 day session came to an end Monday. The legislature is now in “sine die.” It’s been a few years since I took Latin in high school, so I may not have the declension right, but I believe “sine die” translates to “quit arguing for, like, a few minutes until the governor tells them to come back and start arguing again.”

Politics is rarely boring, regardless of your political party. A few years ago, Kinky Friedman ran for agriculture commissioner. At a fundraising event at a country club in Plano, Willie Nelson told a joke [I desperately want to find my old laptop and see if I still have audio of this] in support of bestiality. If you make love to a horse, it was explained, at least you know you’ve got a ride home the next day.

Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I’ve made a couple trips to Austin this year. Over the past week, though, I would just watch some of the proceedings on my computer. You see, the legislature isn’t necessarily the most poignant and concise body. Meetings of the legislature can end with the lawmakers getting into a battle royale, as they did Sunday evening.

Even when the lawmakers aren’t fighting and then telling each other they might have to act in self-defense, they still have non-legislative issues to tackle.

It was around this time I realized if I were to be elected to the state legislature, I might not even be the biggest rabble-rouser in my own committee. But its something to work toward.

When the legislature gavels in each day, lawmakers get up to the microphone and introduce their special guests in the gallery.

Representative Scaia (Bull Moose-Ft. Worth) would stand up and declare, “Uh, yeah, Mr. Speaker, I’d like to recognize some jerk in the gallery wearing a crazy hat.” Representative Scaia would gesture toward a guy wearing a Dr. Seuss hat. Representative Scaia would ensure there’s always a guy in the House gallery wearing a Dr. Seuss hat. “Parliamentary Inquiry: Look at that hat!”

At this point, even if no one tries to interject, Representative Scaia would yell out, “The gentleman from Ft. Worth will not yield!”

Representative Scaia might then propose an amendment to the state budget declaring the hat stupid. The speaker would ask the House, “Are there any objections? Hearing none, motion carries.”

And for the next two years, the highway fund would be named, “The Stupid Hat Fund.”