Saturday morning, I woke up to see a text from an associate who lives in Dallas, asking about the tornado sirens going off all night. I had no idea this was happening because, you see, I live in a real city where people have more to do than hack into tornado sirens, so I slept like a log.

I started a-google to see what was happening and offered a smart-alec response about how the mayor of Ft. Worth and I had come over to Dallas and pulled a fuse. Then I regretted that joke when it turned out someone really did intercept radio waves to roust people out of bed. Apparently, this is where we are as a society. Previous generations have fought for freedom from oppressive regimes or to free slaves. My generation sets off tornado sirens for fun.

The media relations person for the City of Dallas had sent out a couple of updates during the night. She had also, a few days earlier, sent an email saying she was leaving Dallas to take a similar job at UT-Arlington. I suspect she wishes she had turned her notice a bit earlier.

So off I went to City Hall yesterday, armed with the question, “Oh, Dallas, when will it work for you!?”

I walked into the Dallas City Council Public Safety Committee Meeting, where the city manager made a statement. Then the city attorney. Then there was a lot of back and forth about who could say what about whom, and what counts as an emergency agenda item and what can be discussed and what can just be *said* but not actually discussed because it wasn’t added to the agenda with enough lead-time.

At one point, the committee voted unanimously to go into executive session, which is where they can talk privately about personnel matters, financial issues and, I assume, hit each other with paddles while they sing the City Council Fight Song. The city attorney told them they couldn’t do that.

“You can’t do that,” was a line I heard often.

If I were on the city council, I would have yelled, “Fart!” to see if that gets added to the transcript or if the city attorney would get upset because there’s no agenda item listed that involves yelling the word, “Fart!” But she would explain that I was welcome to add, “Fart!” to Wednesday’s agenda.

That may be another reason I do not plan to seek public office.

The city manager came and talked to reporters afterward. He explained that the FBI and FCC are investigating, so imagine an FBI agent sitting bolt upright in bed Friday night and thinking, “Man, this is what I got into this for!”

He also told us this wasn’t some Comic Book Guy situation where some guy sitting at a computer machine thought it would be funny to hack into the software and turn on a bunch of tornado sirens. Instead, and sorry for the technical language, it was about a guy reaching out with a magical wand, collecting radio waves and making the sirens turn on.

I’m not sure what made tornado sirens the target. Dallas has 156 of them. Did Comic Book Guy think it was funny? Why not hack into the highway message boards and write, “Fart!” on them? [Note: Do NOT hack into the highway message boards and write, “Fart!” on them.]

If you’re going to hack into tornado sirens, why not just turn on the one closest to your ex-girlfriend’s house? I’m sure the FBI agent, in that situation, would say, “Well, that’s understandable. I don’t see any need to investigate further.” [Note: I suspect an FBI agent would NOT actually say that].

The city manager came to Dallas from Tacoma, Washington last year. When the sirens started going off, imagine his wife rolling over in bed and asking him why he thought moving to Dallas was a good idea. Then imagine his wife, assuming he’s married, rolling her eyes as she says, “Dallas.”