A few years ago, a major in the Texas National Guard offered to fly me to Ft. Hood while the Army trained for its surge in manpower along the Rio Grande.

Loyal Scaiaholics know I’m a little afraid of heights, so flying to Ft. Hood in a Blackhawk Helicopter may have seemed slightly out of character. But he’s no longer in the National Guard, so this time we had to fly in an American Airlines jet.

I got an email from Randy asking if I was free to take a trip to San Antonio to cover “Snowball Express.” Snowball Express flies families of fallen service members to DFW every year to spend some time together.

A total of 12 flights were making the trip to DFW from across the country.

Last Sunday, I boarded a virtually empty plane and took a flight of slightly less than an hour to San Antonio. On the plane were a few volunteers for Snowball Express, a couple folks from the airline and the flight crew.

But listen, just because it’s not a full flight doesn’t mean the flight crew doesn’t need to be in full uniform. You have to make sure your elf ears are straight!

I believe that’s on the first page of the PanAm stewardess manual. The guy at the right worked for Snowball Express, so I imagine he got some leeway. Look, though, at the flight attendants! They weren’t getting paid for this trip, and they still were ready to step in and help a passenger with his elf ears!

For the flight to San Antonio, I sat across the aisle from a guy who worked for Envoy, one of American’s regional carriers. To put me at ease, he started talking about how flight crews report maintenance issues.

We had to wait at the gate for a few minutes, you see, because the crew was waiting for a logbook. Or something. It was some kind of book.

So the guy from Envoy explained how they have to calculate the weight of the flight so the pilots know how much speed and space they’ll need to take off. That’s why they sometimes move passengers around, to balance the weight on the plane.

That’s also why they weigh suitcases.

“Oh, so it’s not just so they can bring in more money if your bag weighs 50 pounds?” I asked

“Well, no, not just for money,” he explained.

The explanation would become apparent when we took off for San Antonio. We got off the ground approximately five feet up the runway because the plane was so light.

Upon landing in San Antonio, we picked up our first batch of families. About 40 people got on the plane.

And the Snowball Express volunteers went to work, helping load kids into the overhead bin, which apparently is something kids like to do. Seriously, after the first kid did it, just about everyone else wanted the same thing.

The Envoy guy would explain that this particular plane would usually run the DFW-Montreal route, so that’s why the pre-flight recording was in both English and French, much to the dismay of the flight attendants.

This link will take you to the greatest audio clip about a French-English translation you’ll ever hear. At the end, you can even hear someone yell out, “Now, German!” I suspect we won’t have that much fun on my DFW to Dayton flight for Christmas.

Off we went for the arduous 20 minute flight to Ft. Hood.

We landed and headed toward our gate at Killeen/Ft. Hood Regional Airport. On the way, I’d mention to the guy from Envoy that this was the first time I’d been greeted by a fire truck water salute. That’s another thing I suspect won’t be on my DFW-Dayton flight.

We picked up another 35 people to make the arduous 40 minute flight back to DFW.

When we landed, the crew encouraged the volunteers and the reporter who had tagged along to get off first.

As I walked up to the gate, I figured out why.

“Man, this is the second most people who’ve ever welcomed me to an airport! You see what I did there, Envoy guy? Envoy guy?!”

He had the good sense to stop on the jet bridge and start chatting with some airline folks.

While the families were here, they took a trip to the Stockyards, shopped at Nieman Marcus and saw Gary Sinise’s Lt. Dan Band, among other things.

This was the 11th year for Snowball Express. A total of 1,500 people made the trip this year.

In Killeen, I talked to the garrison commander from Ft. Hood. He said Snowball Express brings together families who all have one thing in common, and it gives them a chance to get together and have a good time.

And make fun of the French.

Isn’t that what brings us all together?