I’m back in Texas from Orlando, and as part of the Lord’s ongoing plan to inconvenience me, my flight out of Orlando before dawn Saturday morning was delayed.

It was clear in Orlando; it was clear in North Texas, so I can understand why American was having problems.

Once we boarded, the pilot would get on the intercom and explain in his pilot voice, “Uh, good morning everyone, this is Captain Whatever-My-Name-Is from the flight deck. We’re going to have a bit of a delay getting out this morning. We need an updated log book. The maintenance folks should be getting that to us, but we’re shooting for a [whatever was 45 minutes later than our scheduled departure] departure. I’m going to turn off the ‘fasten seat belt’ sign, so feel free to stretch your legs or use the restroom.”

We would miss that departure. Over a log book. For anyone who may not be familiar with aviation, here’s a copy of a sample log book:

So the flight attendant would then get on the intercom and explain that we would de-plane and then re-plane. While we were de-planing, the flight attendant would also explain, “For those of you with a tight connection, we’ll help you book a new flight. If Dallas-Fort Worth is your destination, just stay near the gate and we’ll get you there as quickly as possible.”

So I took a seat. And I was just about the only person who took a seat. It had never been more clear that DFW was a hub. All of these other people were fretting, and I just sat there, watching CNN. At one point, the weather came on, and I did become anxious when I saw North Texas had been under a heat advisory.

“Did I remember to turn off the air conditioner before I left home?” I hadn’t. I’ll have to bill the log book for a spike in my electric bill.

Ultimately, the passengers and log book would successfully board the plane.

The in-flight movie would be Zootopia. Apparently, it was a hit earlier this year, but I was more excited when the pre-movie commercial came on, featuring Mr. T.

Mr. T is now hocking Fairfield Inn, and even after so many years in the spotlight, he’s still a pioneer. I had never heard “duffel bag” (or “D-Bag, for short“) used as an insult.

I would find Zootopia a bit puzzling. How is this world Zootopian?!

First of all, you’ve got a giant doughnut careening through the streets.

Then you’ve got an elephant with no snout-glove handling ice cream. At one point, the elephant would sneeze all over a bowl of peanuts in a very unsanitary and racist manner. What, an elephant can’t sneeze into anything besides peanuts?!

Come on, Disney, it’s 2016!

The Zootopian rabbit would ultimately become the first rabbit police officer, so maybe we’re learning a bit about diversity after all.

But we’d also deal with a scene where the rabbit and her fox associate go to the DMV. The line was moving quite slowly. At the front, we’d find a sloth.

Come on, Disney, that’s discrimination against sloths!

But listen, I’m not perfect. I just realized that should have called it a trunk glove, not a snout glove. Disney and I will attend the same sensitivity training.

The movie, though, would serve a purpose.

My mind had become so clouded with rage that I had forgotten how much I’m afraid of heights.

As we approached DFW, the pilot would get on the intercom and tell us to expect a “choppy landing.” I feel like “choppy” is their go-to word. You could be headed to the Great Red Spot on Jupiter. The astro-pilot would get on the radio and say, “Yeah, uh, it was a little choppy, but we’ll soon be at the gate and get you on the way to get your  way to collecting whatever minerals are a thing on Jupiter. Thank you for choosing Trans-Asteroid Belt Airways.”

So our pilot told the flight attendants to make sure they were belted in early and stop collecting trash. It’s a good thing we waited for that log book.