This weekend, my colleague, Matt Stoker, and I defended our titles as celebrity goat milking champions at the Ft. Worth Stock Show and Rodeo. Two years ago, we burst on to the scene, dominating the competition and taking home the blue ribbon, which still hangs in my house.

Matt and I did some preparation for this year’s contest. We knew we’d be walking in with huge targets on our back. We had become titans of the celebrity goat milking circuit. The way we dominated the field two years ago made us the New York Yankees of celebrity goat milking. Plus, we sat out last year. I can’t help but wonder if some other local celebrity staged my car crash just to keep us out of the competition.

This year’s contest posed some challenges. I’m still dealing with the effects of my de-limping surgery, so Matt showed tremendous support in helping me practice my ability to kneel down and gently hold the goat (and that’s every bit as important as actually milking the goat, which was Matt’s role. I mean, someone has to make the goat feel comfortable, right?!)

Also, I’m sure the hip surgeon, when I was taken into the operating room, declared to the rest of the surgical team, “Listen, we have to get this right. Our patient needs to get back to celebrity goat milking!” Then a nurse got choked up and had to leave the operating room because she started weeping. That’s the only scenario that makes sense.

Before the competition, Denise Harris and Mike Micallef, from the Star-Telegram/Restaurateur team, took this picture of all the competitors. Look at the anger in everyone’s eyes!

I’m sorry to say Matt and I were knocked out in the first round. I’d like to blame the goat for a poor milk output, but the goat was trying to help: I had to kneel down to hold the goat and it provided some stability given that I was kneeling on a leg that I probably shouldn’t have been kneeling on.

I was feeling a little down after it was all over, but Matt explained that even the Yankees have down years.

And you know what? He’s absolutely right. Maybe we’re like the 1925 Yankees. You know, the 1925 Yankees. We’re struggling after a good stretch. Maybe we’re a little lost right now, but man, come 1927, we’ll build a new dynasty.

Congratulations to Hank FM on its victory. Matt and I will start training for the 2017 contest now.

Maybe I’ll get a goat for the backyard. That would be good practice, but I’m guessing it would also eat grass and save me some time mowing. And I’m sure the neighbors would love to see a goat wandering around the yard all day.