I was filled with a lot of emotions after the Bengals’ playoff game this weekend.
I can’t claim to be a die-hard fan, even though I grew up in Ohio. My dad was a Giants fan, and that rubbed off on me. Once I moved out of Ohio, though, the Bengals became a source of civic pride. As soon as I moved to Oregon, they made the playoffsfor the first time in, like, ever (like, ever!).
The Bengals would also launch an epic playoff losing streak, which they somehow managed to continue Saturday night.
As the gaming manager of our newsroom, I set up an NFL playoff pool, which is an annual tradition and was, apparently, carried on with love last year in my absence. With love it was carried on.
It’s been a busy week for a gaming manager, too, because I’m also running a Powerball pool. We won back about half of what we put in over the weekend. That’s a win. I’m calling that a win.
So there I am, watching the Bengals’ game. Usually, I’d be drinking heavily if I ever wasted a Saturday night watching the Bengals, but I’m still taking antibiotics from my de-limping surgery, so I was just texting a lot of associates. Examples:
“This Bengals game is epic! Can you believe this comeback?!” I wrote to an associate with 1:50 left in the game.
“Those are the Bengals I know,” I then wrote as everyone on the team was called for personal fouls, giving the Steelers so much yardage, they wound up behind the goal post for that last field goal. If you could italicize words in text messages, I would have italicized “those.” I really wanted to hit the word, “those.” Let’s work on that, Apple.
During the game, I became further enraged when it started raining and Jim Nantz went off on a whole thing about how the “jungle looks more like a rain forest.”
Listen, Jim Nantz, everyone knows the difference between a jungle and rain forest is the type of vegetation, not how much rainfall they receive. Come on!
The Bengals last won a playoff game in 1991. Here’s a list of things that have happened since then:
— In February of 1991, Operation Desert Storm came to an end in Iraq. Can you believe there was a time when we were in conflict with Iraq?!
— Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with that woman.
— I graduated from Ball State with a minor in meteorology and climatology, specifically so I could make fun of Jim Nantz.
— The Greek debt crisis threatened the world’s supply of gyros.
— We grew lettuce in space because, apparently, Nebraska ran out of fields. I’m sure they grow lettuce in Nebraska.
At any rate, my other teams in the pool haven’t been much help, either. Come on, whoever the place kicker is in Minnesota, how do you miss a chip shot field goal like that?! I could have hit that field goal, I assume!
I’m left with the Carolina Panthers. They were the first team I picked in the newsroom NFL playoff draft. What could go wrong? I mean, it’s not like the Panthers have ever lost a Super Bowl tragically, in the final seconds.
