Last week, you might have heard about the fracas at Arlington City Hall between members of the organization, Open Carry Texas, and the city council. And also between Open Carry Texas and Arlington police. And also between Open Carry Texas and people who prefer not to have guns pointed at them while they drive.
The council would ultimately pass measures banning all weapons at city hall and tightening an ordinance against handing out literature at street corners, prompting several open carry advocates to shout out “tyrant!”
I can completely understand their point of view. Look at Mayor Cluck right there, blatantly ignoring a woman’s right not to have the mayor bring her a cake on her 100th birthday.
No one deserves to be treated like that! The next thing you know, this menace is going to be declaring that everyone should have cake and demanding that you let him in your home to make sure you got a corner piece, with the extra frosting.
As the meeting concluded, I got the impression Open Carry Texas has never had a particularly strong working relationship with Arlington. Instead, I’m pretty sure both sides think the other is obnoxious.
And I want in.
Why stop at weapons? Let’s see how much other stuff we can get Arlington to ban at meetings.
I suggest several people start showing up at city council meetings with sharks. I’m not sure how big shark tanks are, so we’d need to call ahead and demand the city make reasonable accommodations so our sharks can attend the meeting.
“I’m sorry, but we don’t allow animals in city hall, except for service animals,” we’ll be told.
“Excuse me, but a shark is not an animal,” we’ll reply. “We’re Catholic.”
“Um,” we’ll hear.
“Our faith dictates that we not eat meat on Fridays during Lent, but fish is allowed,” we’ll continue. “Obviously, this means a shark does not count on an animal, and we will not have our right to exercise our religion trounced upon! Why do you hate the constitution?”
There we’ll be, in the back of the city council gallery with our shark tanks, giving our elected officials the stink eye while we slowly chum the water.
We’ll also take the shark out in public and leave it at busy street corners. When people call 911 to report a shark and people darting in and out traffic trying to hand out buckets of chum, we’ll call them “mindless zombies.”
When the city council passes the anti-shark ordinance (Or “Scaia’s Law,” as it’ll be referred to in the media), we’ll shout out in protest and then move on to the next item.
Slinkies, maybe. I bet running a Slinky down the steps of the city council gallery would be incredibly disruptive.
