Last year, I wrote a blog about how Santa Claus’ job would be easier if the German government operated a consular office at the North Pole. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall that the post also included an idea [or “spec,” in Hollywood muckity-muck parlance] for a sequel to It’s a Wonderful Life.
You might have heard more recently that Hollywood is now planning to produce, ahem, a sequel to It’s a Wonderful Life.
I’m not sure which direction this is headed, but my plan utilized a working title of It’s a Wonderful Life II: It’s an Even More Wonderful Life Thanks Principally to Responsible Lending Practices and a More Conservative Fiduciary.
You know, a name that really pops.
In the Scaia concept for the film, George Bailey’s grandson, Theo, now runs the Building and Loan. Bailey Park was leveled after the foreclosure rate skyrocketed. Theo Bailey is now overseeing the construction of a mixed-use development in its place, centered around a new light rail stop.
Theo Bailey feels like the world would be better off he’d never been born because he’s spent his entire life trying to repair the family’s reputation after the housing collapse, which was precipitated by George Bailey’s penchant for handing out mortgages to anyone who asked, even if they couldn’t put at least ten percent down.
Then an angel comes down and shows Theo what life would be like: instead of the mixed-use development, there’s just unimaginative tract housing as far as the eye can see. The main highway through Bedford Falls is constantly rated as one of the most congested in the state because instead of a light rail stop, the city council zoned the land light commercial and an Olive Garden opened in its place.
Theo does, however, notice people seem to enjoy the casino that opened up at the site of Dr. Gower’s pharmacy, so at the very end of the movie, he picks up his young daughter and, in a heart-warming scene, resolves to testify before the state legislature in favor of legalizing table games at casinos that are currently restricted to slot machines and video poker terminals only.
Now listen: I’m not accusing the Prime Minister of Cinema of trolling this blog, but a less open-minded person could find it suspicious that no one said anything about a sequel for 65 years and then as soon as I bring it up, everyone’s abuzz about what a great idea it is.
What I am saying is if Hollywood is going to steal my idea, I should get something in return:
I would like to play the role of Theo Bailey.
I feel like I can faithfully capture the spirit of Jimmy Stewart more so than any actor currently in Hollywood.
I brought up this plan at a party recently, and my associate, Loren, objected. He believes that he, in fact, would prove the more effective Jimmy Stewart. We decided to hold a Jimmy Stewart-Off to determine who would play the role (You can imagine how excited the other guests were to be a part of this).
Below are links to three youtube videos featuring a scene from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. One is the original; one is my voice dubbed over Jimmy Stewart. The other is Loren. Frankly, I think you’ll find we’re both so authentic, you won’t be able to tell which is which:
Voting will remain open through the end of the year, with results to be released during a recently announced Don Knotts-Off, tentatively scheduled for this spring. We’ll be awaiting your call, Hollywood.
