In celebration of Arlington shaking its title of America’s Largest City With No Public Transportation, my plan was to title this blog, “Take that, [name of next largest city without mass transit]!”
Here’s the problem: I’ve combed through the list of America’s 200 largest cities and it turns out every one of them is either part of a larger city’s system or offers public transportation itself.
So no one’s going to be taking anything. Not people in Spokane. Not people in Oxnard. Not people in Fort Collins (even though “TransFort” is a ridiculous name. If you’re going to pick a cute-sounding name, I recommend using the same method as Dallas Area Rapid Transit or Bay Area Rapid Transit: Fort Collins Area Rapid Transit, or “FART”).
Still, Arlington is a city bigger than St. Louis or Cincinnati and it now boasts exactly one bus stop, so I feel like there’s still some work to do. There is a plan to add a second stop in the entertainment district this November, just after the baseball playoffs but in time for fans to watch the Cowboys fall just short of a playoff spot.
First things first, though, and this simple link to the region’s rail system could be the gateway to Arlington’s future as a city that people from outside Texas don’t look upon with bewilderment.
Just as the wounded eagle must convalesce in captivity before it can soar majestically over the Rocky Mountains, so must Arlington be delicately hand-fed a single bus route in order to prepare itself for the rugged and uncertain wilderness of comprehensive mass transit.
It’s a wilderness I’ve come to embrace.
When I have to fill-in for someone in our newsroom at Victory Park, I usually take the TRE. It started out as a matter of convenience. The train stops near my house and right in front of the station. It’d save me from having to drive down Highway 183 during rush hour, when you swear if one more person swerves in front of you at the 114 split, you are going to freak out.
But once I got on the train, something exciting happened: I got to meet Train Folk. Please allow me to share some of my experiences.
1.) AA Counseling
The first time I rode the TRE, I sat down across the aisle from a woman who was talking on her cell phone. Loudly.
“Listen to me,” she said. “Listen to me! Do you think I don’t want a drink right now? Of course I want a drink. But you know what I’m doing instead? I’m out there gettin’ it done! No, I am out there doing [expletive]. You can sit there all you want, but you’re never gonna be nothin’ until you put that bottle down!”
2.) The New Yorkers
Last fall, when Hurricane Sandy made landfall right after the Giants-Cowboys game and all those people from New York got stranded here, I was riding the TRE when a group of New Yorkers got on the train in Irving.
“Oh, ‘ey, we didn’t know what to do, so we just got on the train!” one of them happily declared to the entire car. “Where’s this thing headed?”
As a member of the media and an unofficial ambassador of the Metroplex, I explained they were headed toward downtown Dallas and offered some ideas.
ME: If you switch to the Green Line at Victory Station, it’ll take you to the Arts District. It’s actually the largest arts district in the entire na–
GUY FROM NEW YORK: Where’d Kennedy get shot?
SECOND GUY FROM NEW YORK: Yeah, where’d Kennedy get shot?
They also enjoyed the voice that tells you what station is next. Not the recorded voice, the unintelligible human who comes on after that.
“Hey, he’s twangy! The intercom guy is twangy!” they exclaimed.
3.) The Transient
Most recently, I was standing on the platform at Victory, waiting for the train home to Ft. Worth. Loyal Scaiaholics will know that I don’t shun transients when they approach me. In fact, I’ll often engage them in conversation long enough that they eventually try to politely excuse themselves, usually right after I explain that I rarely carry cash.
So when a gentleman approached me one evening and asked about the phone I was using, I was happy to discuss it:
TRANSIENT: Those smart phones are great.
ME: They sure are.
TRANSIENT: A lot better than a phone booth.
ME: That’s true. You don’t have to carry quarters around anymore.
TRANSIENT: Yeah, but there’s one thing phone booths have that you can’t get on your smart phone.
ME: What’s that?
TRANSIENT: A place to go to the bathroom.
ME: [silence, followed by a thoughtful nod]
And those, my dear Arlington friends, are the experiences you’ll no longer have to miss.
