Dallas, Texas, USA
[A jingle plays as The Ben Ferguson Show returns from commercial. In the days following the Battle of Yonkers, Ben Ferguson had started calling for the president to be impeached. Behind the microphone, the host teases his next segment.]
All right folks, this is unbelievable. Coming up next, what doesn’t the government want you to know about Yonkers? We’ll have the story after the WBAP 24 Hour On-Time Traffic Watch. Here’s Ruth Riley.
[Ruth Riley] Big problems in downtown Dallas, Ben. We’ve got a stalled vehicle in the Canyon westbound just past the Houston Street Viaduct. It’s off to the shoulder, but it looks like a few Zeds have gotten to the car and now you’ve got the entrails of a family of four splayed across the two right lanes. Headed eastbound, you’re dealing with onlooker delays back toward Beckley.
On 35W in Ft. Worth, a man and his small child have been found cowering in a small shed near 28th Street , so you’re dealing with an unusually large zombie horde for this time of day near the Stockyards. That’ll have you on the brakes from I-30.
[Ben Ferguson] Thanks, Ruth. Friends, we all think we know what happened at Yonkers. We put up a valiant fight against the zombies as they flooded out of New York . Our service members did what they could, but there’s more to it than that. We can’t ignore the fact that the administration sent them into battle without the tools they needed! Some bureaucrats sent our bravest men and women out to die. These people are criminals! Criminals!
They knew what they were doing. There were cables sent to Homeland Security and the State Department days before the battle warning that the weapons of modern warfare would be useless against the zombies. But where’s the outcry? Where’s the anger? Where’s the accountability?
The fact is the administration wanted us to fail at Yonkers. Why? To force us to become more dependent on government!
“Oh, everybody needs to pack up and move west of the Rockies! No time for questions! We know what’s best!” And the lame-stream media just lapped that story up, didn’t they? Look at this so-called oral history [The audience watching Ben’s web stream sees him mime air quotes.] everyone’s been talking about. Straight from the UN Postwar Commission!
We are goose-stepping our way toward a single world government, people! Your way of life is going to be destroyed!
Let’s go to line one. Tom is in Plano.
[Tom] Thanks for taking my call, Ben. What I want to know is if there’s any connection between the government’s cover-up at Yonkers and the adoption of the Redeker Plan.
[Ben] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It wouldn’t surprise me. “Let’s sacrifice a few of our own people to protect our fortifications.” The Redeker Plan came out of South Africa , right? [The listeners hear paper shuffling.] I mean, we already know this administration hates America. They travel the world, badmouthing us and apologizing for our supremacy every chance they get. Why not adopt someone else’s failed policies, too?
Sure, they say they’ll drop supplies to refugee camps, but how do we know they’re actually following through? You think these so-called reporters [Ben again mimes air quotes.] are going to press the government for answers?
I wouldn’t put it past this administration to let those people waste away. This regime loves zombies. Zombies don’t ask questions, do they? Keep them stocked with brains and livers and they’ll reelect you for life! Never mind that those are my brains! Or your liver!
My producer says we have a caller on line two who disagrees. You’re on the Ben Ferguson Show.
[The listeners hear the high-pitched shriek of a zombie.]
Oh, that’s right sir. You’re the majority, so we should just all abandon our own ideas and give in, right? Wrong. Friends, what we need to do, the intelligent, thoughtful listeners of this show, we simply need to rally around the right solution. We need to stop the infighting–
[Ben is interrupted by another shriek, which leads to the rolling sound of moaning from other zombies nearby.]
Can I please finish my point? Your way of life is unsustainable! Eventually, you’ll eat all the supple, nourishing flesh and without any honest, hard-working Americans producing new flesh, what do you do then? How long can the government keep supplying you with fresh intestines?
[Blood-curdling shrieks fill the air, reducing many listeners to tears.]
You see folks? That’s the other side for you. You present facts clearly and when they can’t respond, they just try to shout you down with the same argument. You can’t have a civil discussion with these people!
“You’ve got two kidneys, why can’t I have just one?” It starts like that, but let me tell you something: one kidney isn’t gonna be enough. Give them one kidney, they’ll just want more and more and more until our country looks like Europe, crumbling under the weight of the zombie lobby.
Coming up after the break, why isn’t the administration doing anything to secure the border against zombies crossing from Mexico? You won’t want to miss this…
