I’m nothing if not an attentive and thoughtful motorist.
Having said that, I get a lot of red light tickets. After shelling out several hundred dollars to the City of Arlington over the past two years, I think the classy thing to do would be to name one of my most likely spots to run a red light after me.
After reviewing my ticket history, two intersections emerge as the most likely spots for me to generate revenue for the city.
They’re both right near highway exits. The last thing people want to do when they get off a highway is stop. I think Arlington knows this. I’m not sure, but I suspect those traffic lights just go back and forth between yellow and red.
1.) Highway 360 at Lamar
Pros: It’s busy.
Cons: It’s a little too busy. I won’t have my name attached to a section of highway that gets gummed up every afternoon.
In addition to that, Highway 360 is already named for Angus Wynne. I worry that too many people already only know him as the guy with a highway named after him and don’t know that he also invented Six Flags. If you take away his highway, too few people would remember him at all.
Joining Angus Wynne on that list would be Sam Rayburn, R.L. Thornton and Leslie Stemmons. Julius Shepps doesn’t make the list because I also think of milk when I drive on I-45, even though the milk guy is actually one of his relatives.
2.) Tom Landry Highway at Nolan Ryan Expressway
Pros: The two men with their names currently attached to the roads are beloved but well-known enough that they don’t need a highway to remind people who they were.
Cons: Nolan Ryan might punch me right in my face if I try to take away his road. I also lack a signature piece of clothing to put on the sign or an iconic suffix for the highway like “Nolan Ryan Express.” So, my sign would look more like this:
“BrillianceWay” is not one of the 146 street suffixes recognized by the US Postal Service, but I think an exception can be made.
“Two lanes are closed for a crash on I-35W near the Decatur Cut-off and you’re backed up for about a mile on North Loop 820 for construction,” I can hear our traffic anchor, Monty Cook, reporting some afternoon. “But on the Scaia this afternoon, everything is just tremendous.”
