The other day, NASA announced which cities would get the retired space shuttles. Having lived in both Dayton, Ohio and Houston, I had the pleasure of logging into my facebook account the other day and seeing dozens of friends’ posts reading, “Woe is me! Our city has been disrespected!”
While I would agree that New York didn’t contribute particularly much to the development of space flight, I would suggest the shuttles are more trouble than they’re worth. Do you, beloved Daytonians, really believe that if you spent $30 million to bring the shuttle to the Air Force Museum, people would rearrange their vacations to include Dayton?
“Hey,” some German guy might say to his German wife, in a rather thick German accent. “Let’s cancel our vacation to New York City and go to Dayton, instead. They have a space shuttle.”
“Ach, du lieber!” the German wife would reply, dropping her beer stein in disgust.
The couple in this scenario would ultimately compromise by canceling the trip altogether and annexing Poland.
If Dayton wants a shuttle, it should embrace innovation with the ferocity it once did, thus reemerging as the technological destination that brought the world powered flight (suck it, North Carolina), the cash register and the pop-top.
If Houston wants a shuttle, maybe it should try passing a zoning law so NASA wouldn’t have to worry about someone opening an Olive Garden in the cargo bay.
Frankly, I’m surprised north Texas didn’t bid for a shuttle. I can imagine Arlington Mayor Robert Cluck and Jerry Jones sitting in rocking chairs outside Cowboys Stadium saying what the city really needs is a shuttle.
ROBERT CLUCK: We should get a space shutt-
JERRY JONES: We should totally get a space shuttle!
ROBERT CLUCK: I know, right? We just got the World Series, Super Bowl and Bowling Hall of Fame.
JERRY JONES: Yeah, and if NASA won’t give us a shuttle, we should start our own space prog-
ROBERT CLUCK: We should totally start our own space program!
JERRY JONES: We could put a big star on the shuttle! And instead of a parachute, we could put spurs on the landing gear!
ROBERT CLUCK: I’m a little disappointed we didn’t think of this sooner. If Tom Vandergriff were still alive, he’d have Arlingtonians walking around on Jupiter by now.
[Exeunt]
The point is the cities that got the shuttles got them because they had something else to offer. Needy is such a bad look for you, Dayton and Houston.
