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I Did Not Make a Huge Mistake

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This week, our morning anchor reserved a spot for me at media day for Six Flags Over Texas. It’s an annual event where reporters get to ride the new rides. It would be an incredibly exciting assignment if I weren’t afraid of heights.

Listen, I’ve addressed my fear of heights before in some hilarious ways since joining the newsroom, like rappelling down a building in Ft. Worth for charity or poking my head out the top of a B-17 because the World War II vet I was interviewing during the flight called me a pansy (by the way, if a World War II vet calls you a pansy, it’s for real).

So I pulled into Six Flags and the crew immediately and in a very friendly way asked which ride I’d like to get on first.

“Actually,” I explained. “I’m afraid of heights, so if I can just interview a roller coaster enthusiast, I’ll get out of your way.”

At that point, one of the crew gently encouraged me to just try one and asked what, specifically, I feared about heights. Somehow, this discussion ended with the Riddler Revenge presented as the most therapeutic ride.

Riddler Revenge, you see, swings you around 147 feet in the air. But it does NOT whip you around like, as the name suggests, the Catwoman Whip. Riddler Revenge simply lofts you gently into the sky for some reason.

The other new ride is Harley Quinn Spinsanity. Thanks to one of the Six Flags folks for reminding me who Harley Quinn is.

So the Six Flags Over Texas folks walked me up to Riddler Revenge. I’d also like to thank the crew because during this period, I suspect I repeated to every person I saw that I’m afraid of heights.

They set me up with a roller coaster enthusiast named Adam Eyrolet who could do a play by play. We sat together as the crew prepared the ride, complete with a handy camera and microphones so that a hard-working, award-winning journalist can watch and hear himself act like a frightened child for several minutes.

But I would learn, however, that even when I’m terrified, I have the sense to quote Arrested Development.

Most of the rest of the video is me cringing. At one point, my guide would tell me “That’s a pretty normal reaction.”

The ride lasts about four minutes. The first two minutes give the–I’m going to call it a pendulum–pendulum a few easier swings to help it gain momentum and, I assume, offer riders a chance to make out a brief will.

Then you start swinging higher and higher. I explained to the legitimate roller coaster rider that I would likely spend a lot of time with my eyes closed.

When we reached each pinnacle, though, you would get a feeling of weightlessness and calm, so I would open my eyes to realize I was pointing either straight up at the sky or straight at the ground.

“That’s great, feel that breeze on ya,” Eyrolet would say at one point.

“I could’ve felt the breeze on the ground,” I explained in a strikingly matter-of-fact way.

But here’s the thing: it was actually quite a good time. I would tell Eyrolet in the post-game interview that having grown up near King’s Island in Ohio that I had some experience riding the Beast. I would go with associates in high school and college and they’d have to convince me to get on the thing and then, once I had a couple rounds, I’d be telling them we should get back in line for it.

So listen, if you’re not sure if you want to check out the new Gotham City rides, just ride the Riddler Revenge ten times. If it still scares you after that, call it a day.

And yes, I get the irony of me being terrified of an amusement park ride in one of the safest settings possible and then almost dying in a car crash but still hopping confidently behind the wheel of a car. Several people have been willing to share that point with me.

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